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When relationships become challenging, we want to understand what’s going on. We look for causes. And most of the time, we become convinced that our loved ones are to blame. We find ourselves thinking, “Our relationship would be easy if it weren’t for you.” Consider our national obsession with identifying whether or not the people in our lives are dysfunctional in some way. Posts, articles or videos focusing on toxic relationships are more likely to be shared on social me

I’ve been specializing in helping couples on the brink of divorce for nearly 4 decades. Needless to say, I’ve learned more about infidelity than I ever thought possible. I’ve worked with couples struggling with the fallout from everything from emotional affairs and one-night stands to long-lasting and multiple affairs. I’ve paid close attention to what couples find helpful when trying to rebuild and repair their marriages after betrayal and what has thwarted their progres

Did you know that of the over one million marriages that will end in divorce this year, two thirds to three quarters of those divorces will be filed for by women? What is this so-called, "Walk-away Wife" syndrome all about? In the early years of marriage, women are the relationship caretakers. They carefully monitor their relationships to make sure there is enough closeness and connection. If not, women will do what they can to try to fix things. If their husbands aren't resp

As a long-time observer of relationships, I can tell you that, like children, marriages go through different developmental stages and predictable crises. But because people are unfamiliar with the normal hills and valleys of marriage, these predictable transitional periods are often misunderstood, causing over-reactions. Those who manage to weather these universal stormy periods usually come out the other side with greater love and commitment to their spouses. That's why I wa

I have been doing marriage therapy for nearly three decades. And one thing is for sure- people experiencing marital difficulties wait a long time before they get help. In fact, research shows that, on average, people wait six years before seeking marriage therapy. Furthermore, many, if not most people never receive help; they run right over to a divorce attorney’s office. And when you think about the impact divorce has on their lives and that of their children, I find this

When it comes to marriage, there’s no question about it, sex is a tie that binds. However, for millions of couples, there is trouble behind closed doors. It is estimated that one out of every three couples has a sexual desire gap. Simply put, in these marriages, one spouse wants sex much more often than the other. And that spells trouble. In fact, sex therapists report that a sexual desire gap is the number one sexual problem brought to their offices. If you are in a sex-star

My last post contained 11 tips to help boost sexual desire . If you are someone whose sexual desire needs no boosting, that doesn’t mean that you get to sit back and wait for your spouse to change. In fact, you are equally responsible for changing your attitude and how you handle this issue in your marriage. This post will offer you….. tips to approach your spouse in ways that will increase the likelihood that she or he will want to be close to you. Ready? Here goes. 1. Don’

Michele, I have a husband who is a good guy; great father, good provider, but I have no lover. This lack of sex in my marriage is more than just a lack of physical attention... It goes deep into a woman's heart. I think in a normal marriage, a couple can fight about anything, but then they can make love and soothe the bad feelings... sort of like a sexual rebirth, a forgiving ritual. But when you are deprived of even that, bitterness and sexual resentment and desperation accu

You're really mad at your partner. You've explained your point of view a million times. S/he never listens. You can't believe that a person can be so insensitive. So, you wait. You're convinced that eventually s/he will have to see the light; that you're right and s/he's wrong. In the meantime, there's silence. But the tension is so thick in your house, you can cut it with a knife. You hate the distance, but there's nothing you can do about it because you're mad. You're reall

Today I want to write about topic that I think is so important as you are working on improving your marriage. Too many people work so hard at getting things right with their spouses, that that's their only focus. They lose concentration at work. They lose interest in friends and engaging in pleasurable activities. Sometimes they forget to eat or they eat too much. Becoming a couch potato isn't all that uncommon. If any of this sounds familiar to you, I want you to think about

This article, first published in the Sept/Oct, 2001 issue of Psychotherapy Networker, is about my personal and professional "Divorce Busting" journey. Recently, while giving a "Divorce Busting" workshop for therapists in California, I asked the group of experienced clinicians to identify the sure signs of a dying marriage. "As you sit with couples in your office," I asked, "at what point does a little voice inside your head whisper, 'it doesn't matter what I do--this marria

Are you someone who walks around feeling angry with your spouse or loved one much of the time? Do you have a little inner voice that constantly reminds you of all of his or her wrongdoings? Have you become expert at remembering all the minute details of past injustices just so that you can keep score? If this describes you at all, you better read what I'm about to say and take it to heart. Lack of forgiveness imprisons you. It takes its toll on your physical and emotional hea

The Chicago Tribune asked its readers, "Should couples stay in unhappy marriages for the sake of the kids?" I felt compelled to respond...

It often strikes men between the ages of thirty-five and fifty-something. You think your marriage is decent. Oh yes, you realize that there are ups and downs, but you also know that no marriage is perfect so you don’t get too bent out of shape about it. Then strange things start to happen. You and your spouse are arguing all the time. he starts telling you that he’s unhappy in the marriage. In fact, he’s always been unhappy being with you. What about all of your fond m

For the past year and a half, Sue has been struggling to feel herself again after the discovery of her husband’s 6-month affair. Len was...