What is the Average Amount of Sex in Marriage? [Video]

One question I’m asked as much as any other is: “what is the average amount of sex in marriage“  Clearly, the question is asked not with the intent of gathering facts for the sake of fact gathering.  Either the lower or higher sex-drive spouse wants to tell the other spouse that they’re asking for too much or too little sex. Although there is a national average for the amount of sex married couples have (approximately 1.5 times per week), this statistic should not be the deciding force for how much sex you and your spouse have.

Every marriage is unique, and therefore the right amount of sex will be whatever you will compromise on, not based on what your friends are telling you, or what you read in magazines.

In the video below, I give a full explanation on how to determine what the right amount of sex is between you and your partner.

Full Video Transcript:

Hi I’m Michele Weiner-Davis, founder of DivorceBusting.com.

Now today I’m going to answer a very common question: “how often should couples have sex?”

If you’re asking this question it probably means one of two things. Either you’re not getting enough sex or you think your spouse is a sex maniac and wants way too much sex and you want to get the facts so that you can set the record straight.

First, I’ll start by telling you the national statistics. I found that most couples have sex 1.5 times per week. Now having said that, I want you to know, unlike vitamins there are no daily minimum requirements to ensure a healthy sex life. What works for one person isn’t going to work for another. What works for one couple isn’t going to work for the couple down the street. If you’re married to someone who has a much higher or much lower sex drive, the point is to stop arguing about who’s right and who’s wrong, and to find ways to meet in the middle.

There are many ways to do that. Both partners have to be satisfied. Clearly, that won’t work all the time but if you aim for both people’s needs being met, over the long haul you won’t be having this argument about who’s right, and who’s wrong. You’ll find passion, and then you’ll find time together when you’re not being sexual, and it will be okay. Just don’t get into that debate about one person being right and one person being wrong. That’s the only mistake you can make.

About mwd27

Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW is an internationally renowned relationship expert, best-selling author, marriage therapist, and professional speaker who specializes in helping people change their lives and improve important relationships. Among the first in her field to courageously speak out about the pitfalls of unnecessary divorce, Michele has been active in spearheading the now popular movement urging couples to make their marriages work and keep their families together. She is the author of seven books including her best-selling books, DIVORCE BUSTING: A Step-by-Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again, and THE SEX-STARVED MARRIAGE: A Couple's Guide to Boosting Their Marriage Libido. Michele's work has been featured in major newspapers such as the New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Chicago Tribune, Wall Street Journal, and magazines such as Time, Redbook, Ladies Home Journal, Essence, Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Woman's Day, Men's Health, New Woman, and McCall's. Michele is a marriage expert on Redbook's advisory board, ClubMom.com and iVillage.com. She has made countless media appearances on shows such as Oprah, 48 Hours, 20/20, The Today Show, CBS This Morning, CBS Evening News, CNN, and Bill O'Reilly. Michele's Keeping Love Alive program aired on PBS stations nationwide. She recently completed a reality based show for the BBC about helping couples save their marriages. Michele maintains that her true expertise in helping couples have great relationships is derived from first-hand experience. She and her husband have been married for more than thirty years.
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  • Sak1625

    One size does not fit all. If there is an inbalance between partners needs certainly this needs to be addressed. The idea is to maintain a mutually satisfying relationship. Even a sexless marriage (less than 10 times per year) can be strong and healthy if the limited desire is on both parties part. I have limited interest due to spinal MS and neural damage. My husband has limited interest due to adverse affects of SSRIs taken years ago and causing permanent sexual dysfunction. Are desires/needs are erqual and affection, playfulness etc… more than makes up for the lack of sexual activity. Some doctors will try to tell you it is impossible to have a strong relationship w/o sex. Our 30 years together says different.

  • http://irenesavarese.com/blog/ Irenesavarese

    Yes, short and to the point. We cannot argue about who is right. We have different perspectives and have to find a middle ground. nTruly Irene

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