why to stop divorce – the marriage map

Stage 1: Passion Prevails

Head over heals in love, you can’t believe how lucky you are to have met your one and only star-crossed lover. You have committed your lives to each other forever – soul mates in the eyes of God and the world.

Stage 2: What Was I Thinking?

In some ways, Stage 2 is the most difficult because it’s here you experience the biggest fall. Reality sets in. The little things bother you. Although you once thought you and your spouse were kindred spirits, you now realize there are many differences between you. You’re confused about what’s going on. In the midst of feeling at odds with your one time soulmate, you are faced with making all sorts of life-altering decisions.

Stage 3: Everything Would Be Great if You Changed

There are two ways of looking at things, your spouse’s way and your way (also known as the Right Way). Every point of disagreement is an opportunity to define the marriage. Now is the time when many people face a fork in the road. Some people give up. Some resign themselves to the status quo and decide to lead separate lives. Others decide it’s time to end the cold war and begin to investigate healthier and more satisfying ways of interacting.

Stage 4: That’s Just the Way My Partner Is

We finally come to terms with the fact that we are never going to see eye to eye with our partners about everything. We more readily forgive our spouse for his/her hardheadedness, and recognize that we aren’t easy to live with either. We see that, as with everything in life, we have to accept the good with the bad. We stop being opponents, we’re teammates once again.

Stage 5: Together, At Last

It is really a tragedy that half of all couples who wed never get to stage 5, when all the pain and hard work of the previous 4 stages really begins to pay off. Although you’d both agree that marriage hasn’t been easy, you can feel proud that you’ve weathered the storms. You look back and feel good about your accomplishments as a couple, a family, and as individuals. You start having “old day feelings” again. You have come full circle. You’re home again.