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I have been doing marriage therapy for nearly three decades. And one thing is for sure- people experiencing marital difficulties wait a long time before they get help. In fact, research shows that, on average, people wait six years before seeking marriage therapy. Furthermore, many, if not most people never receive help; they run right over to a divorce attorney’s office. And when you think about the impact divorce has on their lives and that of their children, I find this

When it comes to marriage, there’s no question about it, sex is a tie that binds. However, for millions of couples, there is trouble behind closed doors. It is estimated that one out of every three couples has a sexual desire gap. Simply put, in these marriages, one spouse wants sex much more often than the other. And that spells trouble. In fact, sex therapists report that a sexual desire gap is the number one sexual problem brought to their offices. If you are in a sex-star

My last post contained 11 tips to help boost sexual desire . If you are someone whose sexual desire needs no boosting, that doesn’t mean that you get to sit back and wait for your spouse to change. In fact, you are equally responsible for changing your attitude and how you handle this issue in your marriage. This post will offer you….. tips to approach your spouse in ways that will increase the likelihood that she or he will want to be close to you. Ready? Here goes. 1. Don’

Michele, I have a husband who is a good guy; great father, good provider, but I have no lover. This lack of sex in my marriage is more than just a lack of physical attention... It goes deep into a woman's heart. I think in a normal marriage, a couple can fight about anything, but then they can make love and soothe the bad feelings... sort of like a sexual rebirth, a forgiving ritual. But when you are deprived of even that, bitterness and sexual resentment and desperation accu

You're really mad at your partner. You've explained your point of view a million times. S/he never listens. You can't believe that a person can be so insensitive. So, you wait. You're convinced that eventually s/he will have to see the light; that you're right and s/he's wrong. In the meantime, there's silence. But the tension is so thick in your house, you can cut it with a knife. You hate the distance, but there's nothing you can do about it because you're mad. You're reall

Today I want to write about topic that I think is so important as you are working on improving your marriage. Too many people work so hard at getting things right with their spouses, that that's their only focus. They lose concentration at work. They lose interest in friends and engaging in pleasurable activities. Sometimes they forget to eat or they eat too much. Becoming a couch potato isn't all that uncommon. If any of this sounds familiar to you, I want you to think about

This article, first published in the Sept/Oct, 2001 issue of Psychotherapy Networker, is about my personal and professional "Divorce Busting" journey. Recently, while giving a "Divorce Busting" workshop for therapists in California, I asked the group of experienced clinicians to identify the sure signs of a dying marriage. "As you sit with couples in your office," I asked, "at what point does a little voice inside your head whisper, 'it doesn't matter what I do--this marria

Are you someone who walks around feeling angry with your spouse or loved one much of the time? Do you have a little inner voice that constantly reminds you of all of his or her wrongdoings? Have you become expert at remembering all the minute details of past injustices just so that you can keep score? If this describes you at all, you better read what I'm about to say and take it to heart. Lack of forgiveness imprisons you. It takes its toll on your physical and emotional hea

It often strikes men between the ages of thirty-five and fifty-something. You think your marriage is decent. Oh yes, you realize that there are ups and downs, but you also know that no marriage is perfect so you don’t get too bent out of shape about it. Then strange things start to happen. You and your spouse are arguing all the time. he starts telling you that he’s unhappy in the marriage. In fact, he’s always been unhappy being with you. What about all of your fond m

If you have reached an impasse in your marriage-saving efforts, you will want to read this three-part series because it will help you diagnose the reasons you might be stuck. Don’t despair, just make sure you read this and the next two parts! So, why haven’t you seen change in your marriage yet? Let’s take a look at a few possible reasons. You Haven’t Given a Method Sufficient Time to Work Before Trying Something Else It is often the case that, if a technique doesn’t yield im

Continued from Part 1 Your attempts at change were halfhearted Sometimes when there is a lack of improvement, it is because when you’ve experimented with a technique, you only did halfheartedly. If your heart isn’t in it when you approach your spouse, your spouse will think you are acting and will immediately see through what you’re trying to do. S/he might feel manipulated, and therefore, not respond in a positive manner. If doing things halfheartedly fails to bring about

Continued from Part 2 . Read Part 1 here. Your Spouse is Involved with Someone Else I don’t consider it a marital death sentence if one spouse is having either an emotional or physical affair with someone else. I have seen countless marriages survive infidelity and even become stronger after the healing begins. However, it is also true that positive change in marriage is harder to achieve when one spouse is emotionally or physically interested or attached to someone else

Romantic dinners at candlelit restaurants, Godiva chocolates, two dozen long-stem roses, sentimental Hallmark cards- the stuff Valentine’s Day is made of. But what if your relationship is on the rocks and Valentine’s Day is just another painful reminder that your life isn’t what you hoped it would be? Then what do you do? I know, this isn’t exactly an uplifting topic, but the truth is, the vast majority of people in my practice are not exactly big Valentine’s Day enthusiasts.

“We’re just friends.” “We don’t talk about anything personal.” “What’s wrong with my wanting to have friends of the opposite sex?” “No matter what you think, it’s not sexual, so stop hassling me.” “What am I supposed to do? Stop talking to him? I work with him.” “I can’t fire her. She hasn’t doesn’t anything wrong.” “You’re too suspicious.” Does any of this sound familiar? Are you thinking that your spouse or partner has a relationship with someone that makes you feel uncomfo

Pamela White’s article “ Defending Divorce ” is filled with erroneous assumptions and information, which I would like to debunk. To consider it to be “meddling” that a proposed law requiring couples with children to take a class about the impact of divorce and to have a “cooling off” period prior to divorcing, demonstrates no appreciation for the havoc divorce leaves in its wake. Children have no veto power in a decision that will forever alter their lives. Minimally, parent