Hey everyone! Having a rollercoaster weekend! Heres me old post: backing off? Jeff... yes, I know you kept saying it! I still cant "hear" it, its just that what RTL and Jack said made logical sense at least!
I just got back from the comedy show in Birmingham... HE INVITED ME !!!!! Not till 3.45pm today though, so he left it quite late. He didnt invite me to the wedding and he still hasnt mentioned it, but I saw his best friend and W today and she told me all the wedding gossip. She didnt get to talk to him, but said, do not worry, he was just getting drunk with the guys all night, no woman in sight.
Postives! - he texted me Saturday night to ask how I was! Today he phoned and invited me to the show!! We got on great, but still that clear boundary was there and unaffected by my presence. At the end he spontaneously hugged me and thanked me and said he really enjoyed it! I purposely didnt take his arm on the way, but on the way back I noticed he looked down to see where my hand was.. so I put my fingers against his elbow, and he pushed it out to let my arm through! I didnt imagine it this time. When he dropped me back, he hugged me and didnt let go for ages and thanked me again. I kissed his cheek. He didnt frown!
Negatives - He met his friend Saturday night who is moving to Dubai next week. His brother called unexpectedly at 11 pm and joined them. So I said, oh, the three of you then? He said, oh and Christine (the COUGAR!!!). I was gutted. He had no reason to see her, he was seeing his best friend for the last time for ages (who is good friends with her too). This was after I'd been in the car 5 minutes and I was crushed. I couldnt hide my emotion "Oh...you met Christine too?" and he immediately said, oh, well his mate called and invited her. I asked if he minded others being there when he was saying goodbye to his mate and he said, she doesnt dominate the conversation like my brother does, so I didnt mind, shes fine, but yeah, I'd have preferred it if it was just me and him. So I recovered my emotions.
Then at the show, he showed me some funny texts on his phone, as he scrolled up, I saw a text from her.. I was gutted again. He's known her years and I have NEVER seen a text from her on his phone when we were together, this is new. She is v pretty, easy going, good fun, v sociable and likes to go to the pub like my BF, likes travelling, like he does and is very confident and hes always liked her. I am very worried that they are texting one another now. She is 46 I think, so a decision to be with her would mean no children maybe, but I dont know if this would bother him or not (he was v broody 3 years ago, but not now). He met her for a drink last time her was home, 2 weeks ago. She has split up with his friend - who he said he isnt friendly with now, cant bothered with him (he said others cant either) but they havent fallen out.
I'm confused. I dont know what stage we are in now, but I feel that something is changing. We go back tommorow teatime. I think this week will be interesting, to see if he contacts me. I've had to be very strong to act as if, with the disappointment of the wedding and then hearing he'd met her Saturday night. I have NFC what to do next, or what he is thinking. None at all! My Mum thinks he invited me to the comedy show tonight out of guilt, but I dont think so. I dont know why he did, but I was pleased! It was one of my goals! Sorry it was a long one.. thoughts as what to do next...??? Because I have NFC disease now!
Ali xxx ________________________ Me: 37 BF: 34 T: 9 years IDLYA: 2 Nov 07 Own flat: 26 Jan 08 Depression confirmed: 4 Mar
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
We got on great, but still that clear boundary was there and unaffected by my presence.
And you know that how? He isn't going to wear a sign!
Originally Posted By: AliSuddenlyAlone
At the end he spontaneously hugged me and thanked me and said he really enjoyed it! I purposely didnt take his arm on the way, but on the way back I noticed he looked down to see where my hand was.. so I put my fingers against his elbow, and he pushed it out to let my arm through! I didnt imagine it this time. When he dropped me back, he hugged me and didnt let go for ages and thanked me again. I kissed his cheek. He didnt frown!
Cool!
Originally Posted By: AliSuddenlyAlone
and Christine (the COUGAR!!!). I was gutted. He had no reason to see her, he was seeing his best friend for the last time for ages (who is good friends with her too).
So he had no reason to see her, but his friend did! Remember, everything isn't necessarily about him, and you!
Originally Posted By: AliSuddenlyAlone
Then at the show, he showed me some funny texts on his phone, as he scrolled up, I saw a text from her.. I was gutted again. He's known her years and I have NEVER seen a text from her on his phone when we were together, this is new. She is v pretty, easy going, good fun, v sociable and likes to go to the pub like my BF, likes travelling, like he does and is very confident and hes always liked her. I am very worried that they are texting one another now. She is 46 I think, so a decision to be with her would mean no children maybe, but I dont know if this would bother him or not (he was v broody 3 years ago, but not now). He met her for a drink last time her was home, 2 weeks ago. She has split up with his friend - who he said he isnt friendly with now, cant bothered with him (he said others cant either) but they havent fallen out.
I REALLY don't think there is anything there! Don't obsess over this!
Originally Posted By: AliSuddenlyAlone
I have NFC what to do next,
Then do nothing, for now.
Originally Posted By: AliSuddenlyAlone
or what he is thinking. None at all!
Not a big surprise! You are not in his head!
Originally Posted By: AliSuddenlyAlone
My Mum thinks he invited me to the comedy show tonight out of guilt, but I dont think so. I dont know why he did, but I was pleased! It was one of my goals!
And he did! I think your Mum is wrong on this, too!
Originally Posted By: AliSuddenlyAlone
Sorry it was a long one.. thoughts as what to do next...??? Because I have NFC disease now!
Sit still. Listen a lot tomorrow, talk a little. You are ok!
I was wondering when your new thread was going to pop up, and here it is! This is really good, solid news about your outing together. I see far more positives than negatives here, though I do understand that you are going to really be feeling very watchful and sensitive about this other woman. It just doesn't have a feeling about it that he's interested in her...I could be way off, but I just don't get the sense that there is something going on or developing with those two.
On the other hand, his initiating this outing is good news...I doubt it is out of guilt. Look there are lots of other things to do out of guilt, and going to this show just doesn't seem like one of them. And besides, it sounds like he quite enjoyed being with you, right? So, that's not guilt, that's him enjoying being with you. It's a weird situation in terms of the Freaky Friendship businesss.
When you say you're not sure what to do next, may be there isn't anything that needs to be "done" right now. See what comes up this week, but take the pressure off yourself for feeling like you have to nail this thing down. I'd say there is still considerable contact, and he is initiating some things. You also mentioned that his overall energy/mood seems a little better in the big picture...is that still your assessment? If so, it is good news. Has he started IC yet?
Bottom line, you had a solid experience in your outing together. That is good for you and good for him. I can imagine the heart-stopping moments re: this other person mixed in makes it really tough, but you handled yourself admirably!!
Breathe, breathe, and....yes, breathe. Let's see what the week brings.
I was checking to see if you finally have a new thread, and here you are!!!
Good that you got invited to the show, bad you didn't get invited to the wedding. But normal and natural. I don't think your Bf could take any inquiries about you two at the wedding. I am sure he thought about it and some people may have asked him if you would go or not. It was the best thing to do (for him) and I wouldn't read anything out of it.
About the Cougar, I can see why you are worried, but it is too early to tell. Just ignore and let it pass.
Let's what the 2nd of May will bring for us... Love K
Hello everyone! Kalni.. I have been reading and I am amazed, I said things would shift but I wasnt expecting that!! Your instincts were right, I'll post on your thread. I hope you are ok!
I am trusting my isntincts..some more info, my BF has ALWAYS dated people in his immediate circle of friends. It is usually a slow burn thing, it was with me. We were friends for 3 years, but he had feelings for me he never revealed for 2 1/2 years!!! His behaviour with the Cougar fits his pattern. It will be a slowly developing thing. He wont be "in your face" around her. She was at the wedding, I asked his best mates W, J, if she saw them together, she said she didnt see him talking to her, he was with the guys all night. But the texting is very worrying. And he is no longer mates with that old friend that she had dated and they have been friends for several years, so thats worrying. He was 34 too. I said to a friend he could meet someone fabulous ..well she is actually. I feel intidated by her, she is very attractive and fun and always smiling. :-(
The reason my Mum said guilt is becuase I bought him the comedy tickets as a Xmas present AFTER we broke up and he was aghast and tried to give them back, then offered to pay, then took the presents and didnt speak to me for the next month! So him making a big show of thanking me could be partly guilt?
It was 1 1/2 hours in the car there and back, we talked the whole way and through the 20 min interval! There were a few silences in the car, but only short and it felt fine, natural, comfortable.
J told me he has booked a holiday with his best mate, a friend and his brother.. in December. So, more future forward looking stuff, not to do with me. But I get what yuo meant Jeff, I make it about me becuase I am looking for these things as signs! I was disappointed to hear about another holiday booked though.
I was mentioned at the wedding round a table,his oldest friend said it was a shame I wasnt there, that its difficult on everyone. So that was something! He wasnt sat with them.
Yes Purr, in himself he seems fine now, back to his old self. He still says he is tired alot, but he was drinking for 4 days. He doesnt have that sad faraway look in his eye anymore, hes not stooped and closed off, he doesnt say bad things about himself. I asked him directly "are you ok now?" and he said, yeah, yeah, I'm fine, but he may have thought I was asking about his hangover! The meds have clearly worked.
He's going for a work night out Friday in town (2nd May Kalni!). I'm going to drop big hints in the car today about how I would like to go out for a drink in town, see if it plants a seed and he invites me (doubt it, questions, as you say Kalni from others).
...I went to a party Saturday night. A guy was there who is the best friend of a workmate, I've seen him a few times over the years, he always flirts with me. He was in the year above me at school and I really fancied him. Somehow we had a date when I was 17. I was VERY nervous, met him in a bar, he bought me a drink, we chatted, my friends arrived.. then he just walked off, no explanation. I was gutted, destroyed by this at 17! We met another time and again he walked off! I felt so crushed and foolish and not good enough.
So Saturday I finally asked him.. do you know what that did to me at 17? Why did you stand me up twice? He said...he thought I was so cool, such a babe, that I was gorgeous and he had no confidence..and when my friends turned up he felt so inadequate and nervous that he bottled it and left!!!! I called him an idiot, to do this twice as well. He said the second time, he tried to get the courage to start an R with me, but again, his nerves and shyness got the better at him, so he walked off mid conversation.
I couldnt believe it, really, becuase I had always remembered this humiliation in front of my friends, twice and it had affected my confidence when I was 17...I hadnt waited 20 years to hear this, but 20 years later, I found it it was the opposite of what I thought, complete opposite. I felt not good enough and foolish, but it was him that had felt that. He tried to get me to date him Saturday, said I was his "childhood sweetheart", that I was still a babe 20 years later and that he had had a thing for me for years...his friend confirmed this. I couldnt believe it, but I couldnt help laughing and saying, I'm sorry, you had your chance and a second one, 20 years ago, and you blew it.
This made me realise that what can you do but draw a conclusion from someones actions (that he was not at all interested), but the reality was very different. He has held a candle to me for 20 years. I was astonished.
I have to go in the car in 2 hours with my ex, I am very very nervous. This business with the Cougar has thrown me. I feel that time is running out.. whether he likes her (may or may not) or noticed.. but I can tell she is chasing him. She likes younger men and he is her type. So I need to act somehow this week. I am down South with him, she isnt. The question is.. what can I DO??? I need to DO something, I have waited and waited and given him space and the meds have kicked in and... now its time to confront matters? (as Kalni did!)
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Remember how he was pulling away before at the small signs of pressure? I don't know him, but it seems like he isn't ready for a R talk yet. At least wait until the end of the week.
Glad the weekend went well- it sounds like there were a lot of positives. Don't worry about the Cougar- if BF is depressed he won't have time for her, or anything to give her, so she can chase all she wants. Besides which, she's 45 aand likes to spend all her time at thee pub? She doesn't sound cool and hot to me. She sounds sad!
L.xx
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart. And you'll never walk alone.
THANKYOU GIRLS!!! Just dried my hair, did my face, leaving in 5.. I am SO nervous. he sounded flat on the phone, said he was drreading the jounrey, he hates driving on the M5. I will post in 4 hours time!! I will hold my tongyue, will be hard, I will eat sweets all the way !!!! Thankyou, again. Wish me luck (ridiculously nervous) Ali x
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
