Friends Aren’t Enough – Courtney Cox, David Arquette, and Separation

Friends Aren't Enough - Michele Weiner Davis' take on Separation Image

Ok, I really know nothing about why Courtney Cox and David Arquette are calling it quits, but that doesn’t stop me from having an opinion. The couple released a statement saying, “We have agreed to a trial separation that dates back for some time. The reason for this separation is to better understand ourselves and the qualities we need in a partner and for our marriage.”

Hey guys, you don’t separate to understand yourselves better in terms of what you need out of partnership. You separate to be separate. If you really want to learn about yourself, try making your relationship work over the long haul. It’s a fast road to gaining self awareness, learning about the challenges of compromise, acceptance, finding ways to balance personal versus relationship needs. Plus, Court and Dave, you guys have a kid. You’ve got more to consider than just yourselves and your needs for partnership. What about parenting?

Do I sound harsh? Sorry. It’s just that I’m a bit cynical about the idea of separation as a means to building relationships. I say stick it out, don’t get out. Get help. Find a professional who helps you discover solutions to the very real challenges inherent in all relationship rather than subscribe to that all familiar, “follow your bliss” philosophy. That’s when you’ll “better understand yourselves and what you need from your partner in marriage.” Try it, you’ll like it.

About mwd27

Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW is an internationally renowned relationship expert, best-selling author, marriage therapist, and professional speaker who specializes in helping people change their lives and improve important relationships. Among the first in her field to courageously speak out about the pitfalls of unnecessary divorce, Michele has been active in spearheading the now popular movement urging couples to make their marriages work and keep their families together. She is the author of seven books including her best-selling books, DIVORCE BUSTING: A Step-by-Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again, and THE SEX-STARVED MARRIAGE: A Couple's Guide to Boosting Their Marriage Libido. Michele's work has been featured in major newspapers such as the New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Chicago Tribune, Wall Street Journal, and magazines such as Time, Redbook, Ladies Home Journal, Essence, Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Woman's Day, Men's Health, New Woman, and McCall's. Michele is a marriage expert on Redbook's advisory board, and She has made countless media appearances on shows such as Oprah, 48 Hours, 20/20, The Today Show, CBS This Morning, CBS Evening News, CNN, and Bill O'Reilly. Michele's Keeping Love Alive program aired on PBS stations nationwide. She recently completed a reality based show for the BBC about helping couples save their marriages. Michele maintains that her true expertise in helping couples have great relationships is derived from first-hand experience. She and her husband have been married for more than thirty years.
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  • Jennifer

    When I saw this it broke my heart. There are just some famous couples out there that I really admire (what I know of them from media, of course) for being ‘normal’ and happy in the midst of the entertainment industry. This was one of them. I hope they can work things out. I hope they truly want to. Up until I heard about Michele, separation made perfect sense, ‘Let’s see if we miss each other.’ Now I know that philosophy wastes too much time. Time when you could be happy. Now, separation to see if you want to stay married just seems stupid. How are you gonna know how to deal with a relationship issue if you’re acting like you’re not in a relationship? DUH!

  • Jennifer

    One more thing: Michele, why can’t you live closer to me?! The therapists around here are… well, BLAH. They need a good kick in the rear!

  • Ashleigh

    My Husband has asked me to trial a separation because he isn’t in love with me anymore and he isn’t sure he has ever been in love with me. we have a 20 month old daughter and have been married for 6 months! (together for 4 years). we have had previous issues where my insecurities have lead to my lack of communication and that has just worn him out over time. so now we are at 11th hour I have tried to talk him out of the separation and we went and saw a counsellor (we live in Australia) and it didn’t do anything (because he doesn’t want to work on the marriage) so I’m going to continue to see the therapist on my own and he will too… I think that it is worth sticking together and working through it seeing as we have a daughter together, but he lives in this dream land where it will be all sunshine and rainbows because we will always remain really good friends, I’m just not sure if that in me… PLEASE HELP!

  • Ashleigh

    I should also mention that he doesn’t believe that staying together and working through it because of our daughter is the right reason.

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