First of all and IMO most important, you shouldnt have even noticed she had her purse with her and you sure as hell shouldnt have asked her anything about it. I mean jesus Frank do we need to tape a big asss sign to her front and back that says Pandoras box?
Ok, I'm not arguing about what you are saying in hindsight. I was 'advised' to look for violations of my boundaries and let her know. One was 'no evidence of any affair'. I saw what I thought was evidence, and I verified that she is calling the guy. But I shouldn't have said anything? Ok. I guess I am a slow learner but I get it now.
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You see Frank, this conversation should have never even occurred. There's a huge difference between setting your boundaries and rubbing one's face in it. You laid your boundaries, she hasn't broken them, yet you keep talking.
But she did. She calls him. And half the people here say 'let it go' and the other half say 'invite OM to lube you up and bend over'. Ian, this is crazy making.
I choose 'let it go'. I'm much stronger than that. The 'conversation' we had was a 'one off'. Don't need to talk again.
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Maybe you need to get in a business mindset and look at your communication with her as an investment, like the stock market. You would not invest in anything unless you saw dividends and profit right? There is absolutely nothing good that could have happened for you with any of these conversations.
I like that. The Return On Investment is pretty low.
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I hope you understand that Jack and 25 are not getting frustrated just because your not perfect. That is not the point. The point is that you yes maam them to death and say you understand that this is about you and only you. Then you go off the beaten path over and over again. If my kid touched a hot oven I would tell them no. Then the next time I would probably raise my voice and explain what harm comes from touching the hot stove. The next time it happens I basically look at them like they are retarded and figure the only way they will learn is by burning the crap out of themselves.
I do understand where they are coming from. What is not coming across in my posts is that I AM attempting to change my dynamic. It's a lot better than it was. Tonight W made a nice dinner and was joking with me and I joked back. No expectations, just an attempt to make peace.
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Be civil with her for your kids Frank, have those goofy conversations about dinner and such. Anything beyond what she is going to help with at the house or what is needed for the kids is absolutely non value added at this point. Idle chit chat is fine... No conversations about any R stuff or OM unless she violates the boundary that you laid down and even at that point you may want to check here for whether she did or not.
as Mr Spock said in Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan after he got Khans starship to drop its shields by using the remote access codes to command it to drop them...
