Second post locked here was my last post from yesterday
Hi - hope everyone is hanging in there..
I guess when I don't feel the need to post every detail maybe I'm getting through the hard days a little easier.. not sure ... I think it is just to exhausting to post all the time.
Thanksgiving was not easy but got through it... H had rough time too ...
Question-
My H asked me to go to lunch thursday to talk... said he hasn't been a good communicator and wanted to cover off schedules etc... (he has to date never asked me to lunch since he left) I asked him what else he wanted to talk about? Was he going to give me D papers... he said NO.... we changed to meet Thursday at 5pm now and having our Nanny stay and watch the girls little late tomorrow.... I'm little nervous..... I know he'll bring up D or selling the house.. who knows..
I'm in this place where I feel I'm obsessing now about H and OW and I haven't done this until recently - last few weeks.. I can't shut my mind off now and I'm having dreams of him.
I feel I could probably never move passed everything he is done but I don't know how to make the pain go away... He is moving so fast with her.... going to her home town last weekend .... still picking her over his kids....
Hey you figured out the thread thing! Not much to offer other than encouragement for tomorrow. I liked the suggestion from PM in newcomers to think up the worst case scenario and some of the answers to questions you might get. That helps! Good Luck.
LE
M42 S12/D9 T17/M12 Bomb 1 3/22/06 Bomb 2 7/11/08 Bomb 3 7/31/08 W Filed 8/1/08 D granted 12/17/08 D Finalized 1/29/09
A man who compromises his principles never had them in the first place.
{{{Tx}}} Let us know how it goes..I like LE's suggestion about think of any/all worst case scenarios, and, if your mind is like mine, you could probably think of many, and think of how you'll respond so you won't feel so "overwhelmed" or unprepared..
I hope you are doing ok otherwise
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
Hi TxMom, the DB counselor said to be prepared if H's say they "want to talk", she said bring a notebook, they say write it down which might unnerve H, make no real comments and then MOVE ON. Tell them I hear you and then change subject to kids whatever. The Hs will probably want to obesess about the D because it is all part of the drama but try not to fall into it. I know I had difficulty with this advice but if it happens this is what I am going to try to do because it is totally opposite for what my H would expect. Also if H brings up D, say to him in a kidding manner "wow what a nice time of year to bring this up or something joking like I know who is getting coal in their stocking" and maybe it will impact H that wow this is pretty lousy to do right now.
The DB counselor said what you want to do is listen to what they say but continue to delay as long as possible. The longer you delay, there might be a change of heart on their part. Also OW will not like if H starts to push off the talk about D.
Keep us posted. You know we are rooting for you.
Also T2L is having problems with her computer and can't log on. Hopefully will be fixed by weeks' end.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
hey, found your thread, had lost you for a while. I'll have to catch up later.
just sending hugs
(((TX)))
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
OK.... here we go - posted same thing on newcomers...
Thursday night talk was emotional and yes tears for both of us... he mentioned that he does think of us and miss all of us.... what is sad and I feel the bottom line is it isn't enough for him to come back... right now... he is in the thick of this OW and frankly someone who can suffer himself but still pick the OW and himself more times than not over seeing his kids (and I go back to this is a man who would have rather been home with the family than "guy" time most the time) I dont' think I want him back. I think this is says something about his character that you can't change...
So this weekend was the first weekend I asked him to watch the girls both nights (knowing I'd see them yesterday for 5 hours due to D4 bday party) and both mornings were so hard... so this morning I call D4 while talking to her we both saying we miss each other and ILY's - H gets on phone and I just said you don't understand how hard this is for me... he says I know it must be.. we get into convo again as he wants to drop kids off early b/c of Cowboy game and he needs to drop car off at dealership... I tell him I have several hours of stuff to do so I'd call him and let him know. so Thursday he is emotional and sad.. today he is cold and mean... he could care less and I know it's because he has been with the babies all weekend and probably can't wait to get to OW house. He just stated that he is never coming back to our marriage, that he thinks we are two different people, the confrontation or conflicts we had are not changable or fixable.. I told him I never had a fighting chance, that he focuses on all the negatives about our marriage and not looking at any positives....
So I am no good at DBing... but I haven't really wanted to b/c there are somethings I needed to say for myself to heal.. Thursday was good and today was convo I wish we didn't get into. For H to think of himself before his kids is amazing and this is a man who lived with me very unselfish and would do anything to accomodate us and our family before his own needs... but maybe he has snapped and had enough.
New boundries, I packed some of his clothes today and have them by the door, told him I'd like him to get the remaining things out. He will also not be staying at this house while I travel for business anymore.. two kids and dog will have to go to his apt from now on as that is how it would be if and when Divorced.
I will go dark or semi dark.. no more questions (although I've said it before) I almost feel like filing for D myself but told him if this is what he wants he'll have to file. '
I just don't know how I'm going to get through the weekends with out my babies and the co-parenting will be another challenge in and of itself... being without my kids is truely the hardest thing of all of this... so not fair to them.
Me: 38/H:40 M:7yrs TG: 10yrs 2Girls: 4yr & 7 month old Bomb 8/22/08 OW/EA/PA 8/23/08 with 25yr old Moved out 9/22/08
I almost feel like filing for D myself but told him if this is what he wants he'll have to file.
I don't know what the housing market in Dallas is doing, but if H insists you have to sell the house, what position are you going to be in financially? I know you've mentioned something about a smaller house in a post awhile back with Amy I think. Sit down and work out what you want if D is a reality. It doesn't mean that you want the D, it just forces you to think about the possibilities created with D. Plan for the worst; hope for the best!
M42 S12/D9 T17/M12 Bomb 1 3/22/06 Bomb 2 7/11/08 Bomb 3 7/31/08 W Filed 8/1/08 D granted 12/17/08 D Finalized 1/29/09
A man who compromises his principles never had them in the first place.
TxMom, I too was doing what you were doing, DBing a little and then had my "need to knows". I have gone semi-dark and it is helping my sanity a little bit. I am going for legal advice on Tuesday. Have you gone yet? We need to be prepared and at least see what will happen. Tx is not the best for D, with no legal seperation and community property. Unless you fight for fault for adultery which might be hard to prove. I think it is a good idea for the girls/dog to go to his place. More reality checks for H. I think we are all feeling it with the holidays which make it worse.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Hi Txmom, Iwill look at SS thread and check it out. I have trouble getting into FB because I use my work laptop, but in a couple weeks I will have a new home laptop without all the firewall stuff. Need to talk offline. thanks.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
