The past is not going to get any better or worse. I cannot rewrite history and change what has already happened. What is past is all said and done. I will learn from the past and apply it to what is ahead in the future. What remains to be seen is what I can bring to my present and future.
GF40 and I watched the 2nd half of the movie "The Notebook" tonight. There was a very powerful scene in which Noah tried to talk Allie to come back and do the hard work to make a successfull relationship. Her fear was that no matter what she does somebody gets hurt. Noah told her to not care what others want, but asked her what she wants.
Watching that scene 6-8 months ago would have left me a crying mess. I've done that scene before with the STBXW many times. I've laid out all my emotions and life long dreams about us. I've wanted to do whatever was required to have her come back. And for over a year, the most I have gotten from her is uncertainty. Not once has she tried to say in person or on paper that she loves me. She has not ever wanted to open up and ask to come back. I was not going to guide her to take the steps to come back - that would have had to come from her to start the healing and rebuilding of trust.
In our short talk on Friday, I encouraged her a few times to speak all that is on her mind. I would think that if she really desired our marriage, that she would try to fight for it sometime along the way. The latest feeling I have is that she sees that it is now zero hour and she is scared of the uncertainty of her long term future.
First!! Kerry, as long as you are OK, things will become even better the more you distance yourself from the bomb period and what came after that. I guess there will always be a sad feeling for what was lost. Keep walking and taking care of you and your little ones (and GF40) xxx K
For the first time in a while I sense a little "nostalgia"in your post. The meeting with your STBXW affected you a little and that is more than normal. For what it is worth and what I know about your sitch, I strongly believe that you are better off continuing to distance yourself from her. You have come a long way Kerry. I think you have become (for me and others I am sure) someone who proves to us everyday that moving on happily is possible. As far as her future is concerned, I am sure there will always be a place in your heart where you will hope she is ok. She chose a route to travel a while ago and it did not include you...concentrate on your kids and yourself my friend. In the spirit of thanksgiving and balck friday (I think you gus call it): Our wives are faulty merchandise....
For the first time in a while I sense a little "nostalgia"in your post. The meeting with your STBXW affected you a little and that is more than normal. For what it is worth and what I know about your sitch, I strongly believe that you are better off continuing to distance yourself from her. You have come a long way Kerry. I think you have become (for me and others I am sure) someone who proves to us everyday that moving on happily is possible. As far as her future is concerned, I am sure there will always be a place in your heart where you will hope she is ok. She chose a route to travel a while ago and it did not include you...concentrate on your kids and yourself my friend. In the spirit of thanksgiving and balck friday (I think you gus call it): Our wives are faulty merchandise....
I agree with John here Kerry..
and the faulty merchandise reference is funny John..too damn funny..
and since nobody has ask for a drink..I'll take a Jewelers Hammer..
Jewelers Hammer - vodka and grape juice. That sounds like a liquid panty remover. Mike, you are one sly guy.
After I pay her off and fund her monthly with child support, she is going to be pretty well off faulty merchandise for a while. And she now lives in a 10,000 square foot 2 million dollar country home and gets to drive some real spendy vehicles.
I did get the alimony thing sorted out as one lump sum added to the division off assets. That way it is not on record as alimony so she cant change it in the future if she hits bad times. I can refinance my house to pay off the whole division of assets. Her portion of the retirement can come from my IRA accounts to avoid extra costs that would have occured to have split from my 401K. I have to pay $600 a month in child support even though we are 50/50 on the kids because of the big difference in our incomes. And I have to pay for all other expenses - music lessons, health insurance, schools, Friday day care and keep up a half million life insurance policy with her as the beneficiary.
On the plus side, I was able to keep some of the pre marriage value of my home and retirement and all of the equity in my software company.
GF40 and I are taking it day by day. She seems so kind and easy going like myself. Her daughter seems to be quite attached to me now and I wonder if it is because her dirt bag father walked away to never see her again 4 years ago.
It will be nice for just my kids and myself to get out of town and go to a new place on the mid-Washington coast during Thanksgiving. I hope the weather is going to be good like it was today. This will be the second Thanksgiving in a row that I spend with just the kids in the Evergreen State.
RTL - I saw your thread is now locked. I was just reading about the exciting overtime Apple Cup game this weekend. The governor was on hand to present the trophy even though this years apples were the most rotten ever - 2 teams with 10 losses each. Sorry about your Husky's this year. Their last chance will be at the Cal Bears and I am rooting for your dogs.
Mike's Crimson Tide have a nail biter coming up against them thar #2 Alligators. Seems like a national championship instead of an SEC championship game.
As for the Oregon civil war - Beavers or Ducks? If the Beavers win, they will play in the Rose Bowl to get revenge against Penn State. The Beavers have the tie breaker over USC because they have the same conference record and they beat the Trojans earlier. It sure would be nice to have our Beavers smelling like roses again - they have not been there since 1965. Go Beavers!
Mike's Crimson Tide have a nail biter coming up against them thar #2 Alligators. Seems like a national championship instead of an SEC championship game.
the Tide has one more game against Auburn and the Gators have Florida State...Rivalry games, hard tellin what will happen.
Last edited by M from Tennessee; 11/24/0811:24 AM.
Kerry, Sounds like you came out good and you're L seems to have done a great job. Have a wonderful trip up the coast with the kids. Its much more fun than attending or hosting one of those family turkey dinners.
