New to this community seeking advice 3

[lostinscared]

Where are you Joel????

[JR09]

Hi Lost,

Great to hear from you! Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been out of town. I went to pick up the rest of my household goods. They were stored in this family's garage who live out of state. Funny when S11 calls me to ask me if I was at the basketball game. He was looking for me. I told him I'd see him in a couple of days when we link up for the weekend

I guess the boys notice it when you are not there! I should have told them ahead of time that I would miss one BB game. I actually planned to come just in time for the game but got snowed in by this bad snowstorm, so I couldn't drive back home.


Anyway, all is well. No news from W. I came to the conclusion that my priority should be the boys, no matter how the R with my W goes. The boys need to know that dad is there no matter what. If in the course of events W softens and returns, then it's an added blessing. Gotta keep showcasing the new Joel...

Joel

[MichelleLT]

Yeah, definitely good to keep them aprised. They definitely look forward to seeing you! It must be so nice for them to have you more available now.

Glad you got the rest of your stuff moved.

Anyway, all is well. No news from W. I came to the conclusion that my priority should be the boys, no matter how the R with my W goes. The boys need to know that dad is there no matter what. If in the course of events W softens and returns, then it's an added blessing. Gotta keep showcasing the new Joel...

Perfect

[lostinscared]

Joel,

So good to hear from you!!! Yes, make sure you tell those boys when you are out of town and when they will and won't see you. They have to be sure that they can count on you 100% of the time. When they believe that, perhaps your W will as well.

I LOVE your attitude about things. Love it! I think the new Joel is pretty awesome.

I'm praying for you.

LIS

[JR09]

I had a great weekend with the Boys. we ate out, went to church together, swam like fools at the YMCA, went to the movies, attended S11's BB game, and just enjoyed being together.

Before the weekend, I talked with W during S13's BB game, sat right next to her and asked how she was doing, etc. I broke a DB rule and asked her why hasn't she divorced me yet. Here is how the conversation unfolded:

Me: so why haven't you divorced me yet?
W: I don't know. (then she looks at me intently...), I don't know
Me: So what should we do about it? I think this has gone on for a long time now. I love to be in the boys' life and I would like to know if you'd like to stay with me or call it quits. I think it's time we talk about this.
W: Give me 2 weeks and I'll give you my answer.
Me: OK. so on 24 FEB, we'll sit down and talk about all this.
W: yes. 24 Feb, I'll tell you what I have decided to do.

So there, folks...24 Feb. I know I shouldn't have introduced a R talk. I broke the rules. In the spur of the moment I asked all of this. Now I am waiting while still showcasing the new Joel. Good or bad, I thought it was time to maybe get her actively thinking about all of this. So we shall see...

Joel
W:

[lostinscared]

I'm so glad you had a great time with your boys!!!! This is such great news.

So, Joel, are you happy you asked???

[MichelleLT]

LMAO You took that 2 weeks comment quite literally I see.

If you'd asked beforehand, I would have said to give it another month or two before bringing anything up. Give her more time to appreciate having your closer. But, the words are out.

She didn't immediately say anything along the lines of "I've been too busy" or "don't get your hopes up", so that's good.

Doesn't of course mean anything one way or the other.

So, hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

You very well might be pushing her to refile. That's definitely the worst case. And not out of the realm of possibility.

Best is that she's reconsidering and this talk you guys have planned will bring up a lot of the past, clear the air, and perhaps pave the (long) road to a new marriage.

Definitely time to be on your best behavior for the next couple weeks LOL.

[JR09]

Yes, I knew I made a mistake. But, it's done. Can I count this as a 180? It probably wasn't one...W sat right 2 bleachers up from us last SAT during S8's BB game.

At the swap, she came to my vehicle and just stood there as I hugged the boys. She usually never does that. She usually just stays in the car while I say goodbye and load the boys' gear in her vehicle.

She didn't say a thing. Just watched the boys and I. And before the swap, she called to figure out our link up time. Usually, she asks for 4:00PM. This time, she just asked when we want to link up. I told her "how about 5:00PM" Suprisingly she agreed and said "that's fine, see you at 5:00PM"...

Anyway, that's what happened after the R talk about 24 FEB.

Joel

[MichelleLT]

Sometimes to make progress you have to push and piss off the WAS. Just because they withdraw or display anger initially does not mean your action won't work.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/blog/what-to-do-after-changing-your-approach/

Even if it was a mistake, you have pulled back from the brink before. You have time to recover.

So, at this point, wait and see. Keep being the best you you can be. Keep being the best dad you can be. Be all that you can be.

[lostinscared]

Joel,

If she doesn't talk to you on 24FEB, don't push it, ok??

LIS