What Would Michele Say? Q & A – Should I take him back?
My husband says he wants to come back for the kids but not me. I believe it’s a midlife crisis but it’s been 9 months since he’s been gone and I’ve come too far to accept him without change. I’m a stronger person than I was before. I just filed for divorce April 13 and took my half of the marital assets. He still doesn’t think he did anything wrong. He’s a liar, he wants the money I got, not the kids. Trust was broken and then he moved in with the other woman and her two young kids the 1st of April with a years lease for $1700 a month. I’m better than what he’s done to me. The family deserves better and yes, I’m scared. We have two children, a 16-year old daughter that is getting in trouble and a 13-year old son that is a non-verbal autistic and I know finding someone willing to take on my baggage is going to be hard. I don’t want a divorce but I can’t live like this anymore. He’s a control freak that wants his cake and eat it too. By the time he sees what he’s lost it’s going to be too late to fix it. Move on or give it a chance? My heart says I still love you but my head is screaming run away!
My answer is short. Given how far you’ve come emotionally, if your ex wants to come back- whether it’s for the kids or not- you should insist on intensive counseling first. You and I have no idea whether he will grow, take responsibility for his actions and make real changes, but if you still love him and he’s willing to truly change by working with a professional, it might be worth the risk. But DO NOT LET HIM MOVE BACK WITHOUT GETTING HELP. First things first, even from the Divorce Buster!
Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW is an internationally renowned relationship expert, best-selling author, marriage therapist, and professional speaker who specializes in helping people change their lives and improve important relationships. Among the first in her field to courageously speak out about the pitfalls of unnecessary divorce, Michele has been active in spearheading the now popular movement urging couples to make their marriages work and keep their families together. She is the author of seven books including her best-selling books, DIVORCE BUSTING: A Step-by-Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again, and THE SEX-STARVED MARRIAGE: A Couple's Guide to Boosting Their Marriage Libido.
Michele's work has been featured in major newspapers such as the New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Chicago Tribune, Wall Street Journal, and magazines such as Time, Redbook, Ladies Home Journal, Essence, Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Woman's Day, Men's Health, New Woman, and McCall's. Michele is a marriage expert on Redbook's advisory board, ClubMom.com and iVillage.com. She has made countless media appearances on shows such as Oprah, 48 Hours, 20/20, The Today Show, CBS This Morning, CBS Evening News, CNN, and Bill O'Reilly. Michele's Keeping Love Alive program aired on PBS stations nationwide. She recently completed a reality based show for the BBC about helping couples save their marriages.
Michele maintains that her true expertise in helping couples have great relationships is derived from first-hand experience. She and her husband have been married for more than thirty years.