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Continued from Part 2 . Read Part 1 here. Your Spouse is Involved with Someone Else I don’t consider it a marital death sentence if one spouse is having either an emotional or physical affair with someone else. I have seen countless marriages survive infidelity and even become stronger after the healing begins. However, it is also true that positive change in marriage is harder to achieve when one spouse is emotionally or physically interested or attached to someone else

One question I’m asked as much as any other is: “ what is the average amount of sex in marriage “ Clearly, the question is asked not with the intent of gathering facts for the sake of fact gathering. Either the lower or higher sex-drive spouse wants to tell the other spouse that they’re asking for too much or too little sex. Although there is a national average for the amount of sex married couples have (approximately 1.5 times per week), this statistic should not be the d

I’ve discussed a lot of different methods recently suggesting how to approach your spouse. Whether you try doing something different , altering the medium of your message , or rely on actions instead of words , sometimes nothing is quite as effective as the self-fulfilling prophecy to “Act As If”. Below I outline exactly how you can implement this in your marriage. How to Approach Your Spouse – Act As If Problems often arise in relationships because people think they can pr

The Medium is in the Message When you are trying to get through to your partner, there are many ways to do it. You can have a face-to-face discussion, write a heartfelt letter, e-mail or text message, talk about things over the phone, or send a greeting card. Many couples (including Jim and me) admit to having some of their most productive conversations over the phone. I often encourage couples to call each other, even if they’re in the same house! The point is, just bec

Do Something Different Human beings are creatures of habit. Most of the time, we’re on automatic pilot. We sleep on the same side of the bed every night. We sit in the same chair at our dining room table. We take the same route to work each day. Being on automatic pilot is not necessarily a bad thing. Habitual responses are economical. They allow us to go through our lives without having to concentrate on what we’re doing. But being on automatic pilot is a problem when

I know what you’re thinking , “Of course I have to complain, my spouse never listens.” If that sounds familiar, you may have been asking to have your needs met in the wrong way. In fact, lots of times people think that they are requesting a change from their partners when they are doing nothing more than complaining. Complaints turn people off and build resistance. They don’t spark a spirit of cooperation. I learned this firsthand in my own marriage. My husband, Jim, work

Have you ever thought to yourself, “ Our relationship would be easy if it weren’t for you? ” If so, you will definitely need to read this two-part blog. It will help you enormously. Perhaps you have noticed that blaming your partner for things that go wrong doesn’t work all that well. I have rarely met a person who, when his or her partner points the finger of blame, replies, “Well, thank you for sharing that, dear. I will have to work on it. Does this mean that when things g

The tips you’re about to read pertain to conflict-ridden conversations. I don’t think you need assistance making superficial talk or with discussions that are void of emotional content. Those are no brainers. Emotion-packed conversations are where we get in trouble. They bring out the worst in everyone. In keeping with the “ it takes one to tango ” spirit, when you change your steps in the dance of conflict between you and your guy, he’ll respond more sanely and your hea

Although future posts will include a step-by-step guide for healing from infidelity, I want to jump start you on the process in case you just discovered the betrayal and you’re eager to improve things between you and your spouse. Healing from infidelity involves teamwork; both partners must be fully committed to the hard work of getting their marriages back on track. The unfaithful partner must be willing to end the affair and do whatever it takes to win back the trust of his

Your marriage is on the rocks. Your husband is emotionally unavailable and you strongly suspect he is having an affair. Your wife never wants to have sex. You are so miserable about your home life, you can’t even concentrate at work. You’re so desperate; divorce starts looking like a reasonable option. But you’re just not sure what to do. So, you turn to your friends and family for a shoulder to lean on. You tell them about the problems in your marriage and how your spouse ju