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It often strikes men between the ages of thirty-five and fifty-something. You think your marriage is decent. Oh yes, you realize that there are ups and downs, but you also know that no marriage is perfect so you don’t get too bent out of shape about it. Then strange things start to happen. You and your spouse are arguing all the time. he starts telling you that he’s unhappy in the marriage. In fact, he’s always been unhappy being with you. What about all of your fond m

Question: My husband says he wants to come back for the kids but not me. I believe it’s a midlife crisis but it’s been 9 months since he’s been gone and I’ve come too far to accept him without change. I’m a stronger person than I was before. I just filed for divorce April 13 and took my half of the marital assets. He still doesn’t think he did anything wrong. He’s a liar, he wants the money I got, not the kids. Trust was broken and then he moved in with the other woman and he

Question: How long do affairs last? What do you do when your spouse gets involved in a romantic affair, and says they’re going to break it off with the affair partner, but doesn’t? What is the timeline for a romantic affair to “end?” It was exposed to the light of day, but they’re “in love.” MLC Bystander Michele’s answer: By virtue of the fact that your alias is “MLC Bystander” – (midlife crisis), it shows that you understand that your spouse’s mind and body have been tempor

While it is true that some people do experience immediate changes in their relationships, it’s also true that, in most marriages, change takes much longer . How much longer? It depends on many factors: the severity of the problems, personalities of the spouses, length of time people have been experiencing difficulties, each spouse’s level of motivation to do what it takes to make a marriage work, outside influences from extended family and friends, and the level of both par

Some people are fix-it addicts. Fixing their marriages becomes the main focus of their lives. The problem with this is that relationships are like see-saws: the more one person does of something, the less the other one will do. If one person takes out the garbage all the time, the other partner won’t even think about garbage day. If one person remembers family members’ birthdays all the time, the other partner doesn’t have to think about birthdays. If one partner is the

I’ve discussed a lot of different methods recently suggesting how to approach your spouse. Whether you try doing something different , altering the medium of your message , or rely on actions instead of words , sometimes nothing is quite as effective as the self-fulfilling prophecy to “Act As If”. Below I outline exactly how you can implement this in your marriage. How to Approach Your Spouse – Act As If Problems often arise in relationships because people think they can pr

Your marriage is in trouble. You don’t know what to do . You want unbiased professional advice, “Can or should this marriage be saved?” So, you ask around and get the name of a therapist, someone who can offer impartial feedback about the viability of your relationship. Is there enough worth salvaging, or is there too much dysfunction, too much water under the bridge? Should you reinvest or cut your losses and throw in the towel? If, in your search for answers about your marr

Although future posts will include a step-by-step guide for healing from infidelity, I want to jump start you on the process in case you just discovered the betrayal and you’re eager to improve things between you and your spouse. Healing from infidelity involves teamwork; both partners must be fully committed to the hard work of getting their marriages back on track. The unfaithful partner must be willing to end the affair and do whatever it takes to win back the trust of his

Every once in a while I step back and think about the messages I give to couples in my practice, seminars, keynotes and in my writing. To be sure, I have been a psychotic optimist about people’s ability to survive whatever comes their way in terms of marital challenges. For example, my mantra when interviewed by media about the impact of infidelity is that it is by no means a marital deal breaker. In fact, I say, that when a couple is willing to do the hard work of healing fr