Michele Weiner-Davis gives insightful marriage advice on how to stop the routine of fighting with your spouse.
Want to be able to stop a fight in its tracks? Take a timeout. In the heat of an argument it’s difficult to keep your relationship goals in sight. By taking an intentional break, the time spent reflecting can help to calm your nerves. Michele Weiner-Davis lays out simple marriage advice to help couples establish a system to lessen the negative effects of their arguments.
Michele Weiner Davis is the creator of the Divorce Busting Centers, learn more on how you can solve marriage problems and stop divorce. Follow me on Twitter @divorcebusting, add my Divorce Busting Facebook Page, and subscribe to the Divorce Busting YouTube Videos for more advice and upcoming marriage saving events.
Full Transcript
Have you ever had a conversation with your spouse and things seem to be going along swimmingly when all of a sudden things start going downhill. Then they escalate downhill very quickly. Well I’m going to tell give you some sound marriage advice.
The first thing to do is to be able to recognize the signs that things are beginning to deteriorate. They start out constructive, and at some point things shift. Now ask yourself, what’s the very first sign things are going downhill? Is it that look on her face, the way she’s glaring at you? Is it the tone in your voices? The way you’re sitting with your arms crossed. Is it the fact that you’re no longer focusing on the subject, but you’re focusing on the past. What is it that makes your conversations really start to slip. When you notice what they are, talk to your spouse about them. Make a promise to yourselves, the next time you find yourself slipping into that hole, you’re going to take a time out. You’re going to signal to one another that your conversation isn’t constructive any more. You can do it by signaling time out, or some other sign that you both understand. You have to agree to honor it and to stop.
Although the roles can be reversed, it’s usually the man who says “I don’t want to talk about this anymore, let’s just stop.” Often his wife still pursues, the conversation goes on and eventually escalates. She’s pursuing because she wants closure, she wants solutions, but he’s exasperated. That’s a great time to take a time out. But not just to take a time out, to agree that in 20 to 30 minutes you will come back together again and you are going to discuss what you were discussing, but this time with a clear head. When women know that their husbands are willing to revisit the subject, the wife is willing to honor the time out.
You should really try it, it works, look for the difference a time out will make in your relationship.
