YES. I caught myself instantly getting caught up in mind reading, because the text was so out of the ordinary. And then I did exactly y what you are saying. I went through all of the possibilities I might be hoping for it to mean, and then a bunch of the other possibilities that are equally as...possible. I questioned whether he was just kind of lazily cake eating by wanting my help with D4 rather than being on his own with her (he didn’t drop her off early—he brought her to my home earlier than usual and stayed until after she went to bed as he usually does) That possibility annoyed me, so I was proud of myself for still validating and for letting it cross my mind, because it’s completely possible that’s all it was. I guess I feel proud when I am conscious of not fooling myself into being overly optimistic about his weird, unexpected actions.
Also, that moment gave me an interesting realization about validation with WAS. Up until last night I thought the validation piece of all of this was sort of the outlier part that really was meant to benefit the relationship with WAS. But in that moment, in the swirl of hope and anxiety and annoyance and confusion, I think I was able to detach for just a moment and just respond to the simple message being communicated from someone I care about; “I am stressed”. For that moment I was able to filter my feelings (strip the other stuff away, as you have said Unchien) and yes that was kind and emotionally generous to H, but it was also very empowering for me. I finally got that the validation is powerful for ME. THAT is a step toward detachment, and that is actually caring about another person. Taking my triggers and swirling emotions out of it and just responding to the message. I swear I am actually a really intelligent person, but this stuff makes me feel S L O W.
Please start a new thread and link both of them together.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
