Yes, all interactions are going to be similar across all the threads. MLC is the same exact rotten ice cream, just different bad flavors.
You do not have to gauge her state of mind with every encounter. In fact, you must not. That right there sums up exactly what is going to keep you enslaved like all of us were until we stopped doing that.
Gauge nothing. Notice nothing. Believe nothing. That woman is not your W. Your W is not here anymore. She might come back but that lady who looks like her is not her. The only gift you can still give your W is to believe that she might come back someday and be ready to take her back. Trying to make anything out of the current incarnation will only be a slavery for you. Believe me, I speak from 7 years of experience. I believe in standing and I do not believe in divorce. But letting go is the only way through this. All that you have to do if you choose to stand is put your heart in a box, put on some armor so the blows just glance off you as much as possible and be ready to forgive her and start the slow process of rebuilding if she ever becomes some form of herself again. Trying to negotiate anything with who she is now is pointless. The destruction is going to happen and there is nothing you can do but be a light in this world while it happens.
Last edited by Gerda; 10/03/1909:26 PM.
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
P.S. I hope that didn't sound too harsh. I say it out love to help you get strong enough to stand. I am not sure I understood standing until year six, even though I thought I did.
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
My wife barely looked at me and spoke to me for 6 months, I think I can handle harshness. At least now she acts like a friend with benefits.
Hard part is that I believe she realizes the fantasy life is not attainable and that I am her easy choice. 17 years of marriage / 3 kids / life of great memories and now I'm simply Plan B. Hard pill to swallow.
I hope her feelings are just buried and will return, it would be nice if she would work on the marriage since she has decided to stick with it.
I feel so much like Gordie, where bitterness and resentment build up.
Fake it til you make it has been my Mantra.
I'm not currently trying to Detach, that was the first 7 months. I am trying to be patient with what I hope is her attempt at reconnection.
Last edited by job; 10/05/1905:23 PM. Reason: added link to new thread
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
