Again I can't speak for LH, but he and a couple of other posters are really good at asking thought-provoking questions. It gets the LBS to see the overall point for themselves, rather than force-feeding it. RR, some of the best contributors in my threads used that tactic to great effect. If they were straight-forward I might would have become defensive. By asking the right questions that got me to see for myself what they were sensing. Maybe the tactic isn't for everyone, but I greatly value LH and the other posters that do that. It is a tactic used by a lot of ICs, BTW.
Steve, are you aware that LH suggested that I leave my relationship? When asked he said he was simply stating my options. Which were not my only options. Do you agree with this? Should I move out and see if this person comes around?
I know that is an option.
The only way I would agree with that is if YOU were done and wanted a D. I think I've even stated that before.
I don't know if I am supposed to mention him or not but I watch a lot of Dr. Phil with my W. One of the things Dr. Phil tells couples on the brink of D is: "You don't have the right to leave this marriage because you haven't done the work necessary to be able to leave it without emotional baggage and the ability to honestly say you did all you could do to save your marriage." I agree with that in totality. Those that leave a marriage prematurely are destined to fail in their next relationship. And those with kids owe it to their kids to make sure that they can honestly say they did everything they could to save the marriage.
But RR, I would support you in whatever decision you make. You have done your part. As long as you deal with the emotional connection to her I would support your decision to leave. But I also think that if you have it in you to stick it out longer that you should.
RR, I admire you my friend! Lesser men would have bailed, but you have stuck it out and continue to do so, and in my estimation that is very admirable.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I was merely asking if you agree with his suggestion?
Only a fool would leave based on anecdotal advice from online strangers.
I will stay until I believe it is useless. I'm not there yet.
Quitting isn't my style until quitting looks like the best practice.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
THE 6 HUMAN NEEDS 1. Certainty: assurance you can avoid pain and gain pleasure 2. Uncertainty/Variety: the need for the unknown, change, new stimuli 3. Significance: feeling unique, important, special or needed 4. Connection/Love: a strong feeling of closeness or union with someone or something 5. Growth: an expansion of capacity, capability or understanding 6. Contribution: a sense of service and focus on helping, giving to and supporting others
1. Certainty - she will be there for you. 2. Uncertainty - she surprises you with a gift from the store 3. Significance - she makes you feel important and needed 4. Connection - obvious 5. Growth - is your relationship growing 6 Contribution - not really relevant
Look man you get jaded when you hear things you don't want to hear (like you did with AS). We are trying to help you. What Accuray posted a year and a half ago was dead on.
Good luck!
Jaded: tired, bored, or lacking enthusiasm, typically after having had too much of something.
What jaded doesn't mean is that if I don't agree with assumptions from those that don't have all the details, that I am wrong.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
I was merely asking if you agree with his suggestion?
Only a fool would leave based on anecdotal advice from online strangers.
I will stay until I believe it is useless. I'm not there yet.
Quitting isn't my style until quitting looks like the best practice.
It isn't a matter of agree or disagreeing with him. It is more about if that is how he feels your sitch is best handled then he should say it. There are two great things about this forum:
1) All of the different perspectives you have. I am a conservative Christian, sandi is a former WW, Neffer is a former WH, then you have others that are more liberal. But it is not a bad thing to get different opinions and perspectives. 2) No one is obligated to follow any of the advice they hear here. We are here to try to support and help one another, but we can listen to the advice that makes sense for our sitch, and we can ignore what doesn't make sense.
RR, I love your attitude! I wasn't going down easy in my sitch either. She was either going to file D, or she wasn't. But I was going to stick it out for as long as it took.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
3) We can also challenge advice that doesn't make sense.
“Every great story on the planet happened when someone decided not to give up, but kept going no matter what.”
Spryte Loriano
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
