Hello, I'm new here. :)

[Jlh]

Thanks AnotherBystander, I didn't mean to say the guilt remarks to him but I was frazzled and tired and just angry that he is stressed and can run off to his own apartment leaving me alone to care for the pets, the house and yardwork, some bills, our son, etc. I try not to do that now.

It just makes no sense with him because in the beginning he was showing me how to do all this home repair stuff on my own so I'd know what to do without him, yet now when I tell him that I fixed the hot water heater he was taken aback and seemed a little bummed that I did it on my own without calling him. He's the one who showed me how to do it alone. I keep him in the know on home repair like that since we are still married and have the house together. It's just strange how he first wants off of all of these bill accounts we share, gets upset when he sees that I can do things on my own. Personally I love home repair and DIY so it's kind of fun for me to do these things. I try not to overthink why he's surprised and taken aback. Its like he wants to be there to do this stuff. (shrugs)

[AnotherStander]

Thanks AnotherBystander, I didn't mean to say the guilt remarks to him but I was frazzled and tired and just angry that he is stressed and can run off to his own apartment leaving me alone to care for the pets, the house and yardwork, some bills, our son, etc. I try not to do that now.

Of course you are! That's one of the benefits of this forum, feel free to vent it all out here and then just show him a happy, content you.

It just makes no sense with him because in the beginning he was showing me how to do all this home repair stuff on my own so I'd know what to do without him, yet now when I tell him that I fixed the hot water heater he was taken aback and seemed a little bummed that I did it on my own without calling him.

It DOES make sense! He doesn't think he wants you, but at the same time he wants you sitting in reserve as Plan B, rushing to him whenever you need something, begging him to come back, desperate to see him and call him and text him. When you detach and GAL and start being more independent then it WORRIES him. It makes him wonder what you are up to, why you don't NEED him like he thought you would. Eventually he will start to think he may lose you and he'll start pursuing you. But if you respond to the pursuit he will just shut down again, confident his Plan B is still secure. DON'T BE PLAN B!!!!

[arsh18]

Jlh, he was not bummed out because you were doing it yourself, he was bummed out because he realized you were capable of doing it without him. He leaving does not mean your life is at a standstill or that you will crumble and fall. Good that you informed him, especially if he has to split the expenses with you when you incur them. You have this going well and you have what it takes to get your through, power through.
- Arshi

[Jlh]

Thanks Anotherstander and Arsh, I appreciate you both giving input and keeping me in line when I feel weak and start to reattach to H.

I was talking to a neighbor friend and she thinks that I'm being too nice to H and doesn't understand the divorcebusting. I told her that I feel in my gut that he is lost, in grief and made some bad decisions and I am willing to wait out this foggy maze of his. She told me I should just go get myself laid to make myself feel better and to show him how Karma is a bitch. I basically ran in the house and slammed the door... politely of course, lol! She had a bitter divorce of her own and her talk wasn't helpful. She's a divorce mediator as well so I had a few questions for her but she let her own opinions take over.