Ok here goes and I hope my memory of the conversation is acurate. W and i were talking today and we have been getting along well the past few months, nothing about R just co existing without and arguments. Our conference date for the two L's and us is set for Aug 13th and I am looking forward to frinding a resultion to this sitch. I am ok either way.
W states that next week she will be going on vacation to a exotic location, with three girls from work. I said OH, when were you going to tell me? She said I am telling you now... I said I really do not think its right that this is the 3rd vacation you are going on since BD and you have not contributed a penny to this house. She said that she pays for the health insurance, I said my share of that is 1/6 let me know how much it is. Its about 30 bucks a week. I pay everything else. I said I am sorry to say but I need you to move out I am not footing the bill for you anymore. Its been 14 months and you could have very easily filed for D at BD and went on your merry way.
I said look, the time has come for you to leave, I believe you are seeing someone else and I will not accept a third person in this M. She insisted that there is no one else just that she wants to be happy and that she has changed from when she was younger. I said thats all good but you want the benefits of being M without being my W. Thants not how this is going to work anymore. She begins tearing up and gets very defensive, starts claiming I am yelling at her. I said clearly I am not yelling, but if you need to be the victim go ahead, have at it. I said I looked over the phone records from last june, interesting the amount of texts you and a certain someone had. Let me use your phone to call him right now... she begins to get more angry and tearing up face swelling...remember the phone is in her name and getting these records was not easy.
I said come clean you will feel better, I will keep your secret no one has to know except me you and OM. She just kept denying, and getting angrier. I said its so simple for you let me use your phone and you can rub my face in the fact that I am wrong. She said absolutely not. I said wow, good b/c now I know everything! I got two messages from two of W's sisters saying they think she is messing around and they are not happy about it.
She went totally silent, getting ready for work and I told her there are going to be some changes that need to be made. We need to tell these adult children what is going on, they need to prepare. Still silent, she then leaves for work an hour and 15 early. GOOD! I finally have hit the limit. She left and I just got done moving all her stuff out of the MBR into the living room. I can only take so much cake eating and I hit my limit about six months ago.
For anyone that wants to criticize the way I handle this all I can say is that it was a long time coming. I have worked way to hard my entire adult life for my family to be treated like this in any way. Her scheduling another vaction was the last boundry.
M:52 W:49 D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20 ILYBNILWY 5/28/17 Still living together W filed 1/5/18 W moved out 8/24/18 D final 9/18/20
I'm no expert, but I think you handled it well. I too had a hard time sitting around playing the fool with my W cheating on me. It was pretty obvious, but she still denied it. I also said she could just let me see her phone and prove me wrong, but she clutched on to it like it was full of government secrets. At some point, we LBS's have to take our balls back and just lay everything on the line. I think that's the first step of getting respect back when handled the right way, And I think you did a good job of calmly saying what's been on your mind for quite a while...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
Bh....you have been at this long enough. I can sense your strength and I am proud for you. It feels as though have clarity and you handled the situation well. Good for you!
