So, stayed out of the house a little extra last night and got home after my wife. Just in time to help the kids with some homework and put them to bed. After they went to bed my wife says "we need to talk". Im excited because she never wants to talk and I could care less if its good or bad, I just wanted to talk. Well it didn't end up being anything I have control over but it did open up the door for me to say a few things. Anyway, I was accused for talking to the wife of the OM throughout this week which is not true. I talked to her last weekend for the first and last time and my wife already knows about that convo. Apparently the wife of the OM is putting a lot of pressure on him about admitting to the affair and is telling him that I am calling her with all sorts of info. I let my wife read my phone conversation with this lady from last weekend and it is pretty clear that I wanted no further contact with her and I assured her that i havent. The strange part is here I am defending myself and I'm not the one having an affair lol anyway, I told her this was upsetting because I have been just focusing on myself and the kids and giving her all the space allowable while still living under the same roof! I dont pry into your business, I dont ask questions, I'm not upset if you come home late, nothing...just minding my own business and to have something like this come up just sets me back to square one. She told me that she could tell that i was giving her space and it was definitely noticeable. We talked for probably an hour. I assured her this morning that if anything comes up today or in the future about he said/she said stuff just know that none of it is coming from me. I'm done with her business and want nothing to do with any of those people and they know this. I probably should have not said anything this morning but sometimes I just cant help myself. My fear now is that she knows I am making a point of giving her space and that I am intentionally detaching. I'm thinking it just doesnt have the same impact now that she knows its a focus of mine and not something that is just happening naturally. We get to talking and I just say to much I'll keep plugging away with what Im doing, I just feel I may have damaged the process a bit.
Me: 43 Wife: 37 2 Kids: (8yr old B, 5yr old G) OM Discovered Mid Aug '17
I told her this was upsetting because I have been just focusing on myself and the kids and giving her all the space allowable while still living under the same roof! I dont pry into your business, I dont ask questions, I'm not upset if you come home late, nothing...just minding my own business and to have something like this come up just sets me back to square one. She told me that she could tell that i was giving her space and it was definitely noticeable.
My fear now is that she knows I am making a point of giving her space and that I am intentionally detaching. I'm thinking it just doesnt have the same impact now that she knows its a focus of mine and not something that is just happening naturally.
You knew the answer before you posted. It's actions not words that change this situation around. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off and get out and GAL.
well I told my wife I'll be filing for divorce this week. I have a consultation today and 2 tomorrow to see which lawyer I'm going to choose. My daughter asked me this weekend why Mom and I don't kiss anymore. It's probably the first time that she has expressed that she's noticed. My son has expressed it a few times. I'm still sad about the whole thing and I would much rather my wife would have came around and attempted to work on the marriage but she isn't about to give up her current lifestyle. I would have been much more patient but having my children notice our lack of marriage is upsetting. I know everyone says that filing doesn't mean that its over but I feel that in our case it pretty much is. Once the process starts it will probably get nasty between us, not with the kids but over money and it will make it much harder to recover from then if an attempt was made prior to filing. We still don't fight or anything like that and the home has been very pleasant (cake and eat it too thing)....just no intimacy and it's an almost certain the the affair is still on-going. My journey has been much quicker than everyone else and I applaud the perseverance many of you have.
Me: 43 Wife: 37 2 Kids: (8yr old B, 5yr old G) OM Discovered Mid Aug '17
My journey has been much quicker than everyone else and I applaud the perseverance many of you have.
Don,
There's no shame in ending it quickly if that's what you need to do. And, stay away from the Surviving the Big D forum; it's a small flock of weirdos and misfits. (I suspect most of them don't bathe.)
My journey has been much quicker than everyone else and I applaud the perseverance many of you have.
Don, I am sorry it has come to you having to file. I also commend you for not tolerating her affair and doing what you feel you need to do. Just remember that divorce doesn't mean your life is over and if you put in the work you will thrive and your kids will be just fine.
There's no shame in ending it quickly if that's what you need to do. And, stay away from the Surviving the Big D forum; it's a small flock of weirdos and misfits. (I suspect most of them don't bathe.)
[/quote]
lol, sounds like a plan. I wont even look
Me: 43 Wife: 37 2 Kids: (8yr old B, 5yr old G) OM Discovered Mid Aug '17
Don, I am sorry it has come to you having to file. I also commend you for not tolerating her affair and doing what you feel you need to do. Just remember that divorce doesn't mean your life is over and if you put in the work you will thrive and your kids will be just fine.
Take care my friend and good luck to you!
I'm pretty sure I'll be just fine. I have a very good support system in place. I'm not wanting another wife or anything like that my only concern through the whole thing was just having my kids half of the time now instead of all of the time. It's just something I'll need to get used to. Thanks again for all the help along the way.
Me: 43 Wife: 37 2 Kids: (8yr old B, 5yr old G) OM Discovered Mid Aug '17
I'll keep plugging away with what Im doing, I just feel I may have damaged the process a bit.