your path was a short one, for someone here. Not sure about the semantics debate, but when I noticed your resistance to social GAL advice, I saw an asocial tendency.
I wondered if you'd choose to change that & become more emotionally giving or open.
You were quick to see hopelessness in your situation (hence your screen name). Maybe you resisted GAL with new people b/c you just aren't into that, by choice. Not a lack of social skills but an actual disinterest in growing that way. Which is unusual in my experience.
Below, you stated:
What I talk about social is that I understood social interactions are and have never been that high on my needs list. Well, this ^^^ is you.
But connecting with others more deeply & with more intimacy is a need most of us have. I suspect that Includes your wife. (Maslow, Carl Rogers and Carl Jung discuss this more completely in their work if anyone is interested.)
By definition, connecting at a deeper level requires an increase in our vulnerability, and that is a scary risk. Most of us think the payoff makes it totally worth it.
Brene Brown has empirical research into the "payoff" and why vulnerability is a core element of a loving r.
So maybe you & your wife are too different. No judgement there. I just don't see your point of view as a common one, or as a teaching point.
I hope you are happy or at least at peace someday soon.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Of course I'm disinterested in social contact because my brain does not release dopamine from it. It's something I have to learn but it isn't highest in my list.
I am vulnerable. Always was.
I am far more happy than in ages. I have seen that I am wise but it is just my neurotransmitters, habits and my mind that limits me from getting where I want. I feel that my R has limited me too. Now i can even go back to uni if I want. My XW was so mad when I told her that I maybe want to study more.
In my thirties, BDd 2017, divorced 2 young kids new relationship
Also, 25, thank you for being there for me. It isn't what you "hoped" of me. I just want to let you know that you of everyone should know that this process isn't just a snap of fingers - it comes with time. I could be totally interested in social contact in half a year. My brains are just messed up and I'm working on fixing them. But I still don't see myself wanting the M ever back. I don't know if ten years from now we both happen to be single and really, like she said, found each other again... but for now and the foreseeable future, I'm going to be better off
In my thirties, BDd 2017, divorced 2 young kids new relationship
You are free to lock this one Cadet. Thank you once more for letting me be around to be supported by these wonderful people in this forum. This combined with BD will be something I'm going to be eternally grateful for.
I leave one advice for others possibly reading this through. Trust in time. Nothing happens directly. Everything requires time. You don't lose weight in a day, you don't gain noticeable muscle in a week, your behavior will not change in a month but a surprising amount of self-improvement can be done in a year. Be positive, trust yourself and learn to enjoy the process. Watch out, you CAN become addicted to self-improvement. Just allow yourself take time and progress in baby steps.
Just allow yourself take time and progress in baby steps.