You are leaving the door open for her to give your crumbs and she's got you right back where she wants you.
Okay, then I tell her this: "Look, right now we're not a couple, there's no indication that we're working on becoming a couple again, and I'm not interested in acting like we are if we aren't. I enjoy spending time with you, but I really value and enjoy the time I am spending on my own these days, and I want to keep that time "on my own". If we decide to get serious about working on our R then maybe we can start doing some more things together but, for now, I want some time to be on my own." Or something to that effect.
Way too much R talk.
I'd go with something like this, "It was fun having you stop by the pub the last few weeks, but I realized that I want to keep my time there as solo time."
Of course, you can't stop her from coming by anyway, but if she does it again, I would find a new place that you don't tell her about.
I know you are torn between trusting that she has cut contact/is exploring whether the M will work for her and wanting to create more distance until she is definitely in on the M.
I think you should pick one path or the other and stop second-guessing yourself. Say you'll reevaluate in 3 months.
But regardless of which path you choose, stop having R talks outside of MC. They come across as pursuing and weak. Actions are strong.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
You are leaving the door open for her to give your crumbs and she's got you right back where she wants you.
Okay, then I tell her this: "Look, right now we're not a couple, there's no indication that we're working on becoming a couple again, and I'm not interested in acting like we are if we aren't. I enjoy spending time with you, but I really value and enjoy the time I am spending on my own these days, and I want to keep that time "on my own". If we decide to get serious about working on our R then maybe we can start doing some more things together but, for now, I want some time to be on my own." Or something to that effect.
too wordy.
It reads to me as if you are wording things to invite her to correct you and convince you that she IS "IN the m", and you two "ARE a couple", etc.
Make it much shorter. Maybe like "I need some 'me' time." Be okay with her accepting that.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Make it much shorter. Maybe like "I need some 'me' time." Be okay with her accepting that.
You read my mind. Was just about to post (and/or have Cadet append to my previous post) "...or maybe I just need to say: 'look, I need some time for myself right now, and that includes when I'm out at the pub.'"
H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18
"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7
"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
100 posts. 500 posts now and don't feel like Im any closer to solving my marital problems. My personal sitch is certainly far better, but the M... not so much. And I even wasted an opportunity to kick the OM's teeth in. Which would've at least been kind of satisfying. Oh well.
