'Unintentional affair'? Do you mean that she's not responsible for what happened? That the affair was the fault of the other person?
One of the things I've come to understand since October (when my H walked out) was that he was entirely complicit in what he did, and therefore also responsible.
In the five years since things started gradually falling apart, he had a number of increasingly inappropriate friendships with women. I knew staight away that something was wrong, that some of his behaviour during these friendships wasn't quite right (sitting in his car, very late at night, talking in the phone. Why not sit in our living room? Why the need to sit outside in the car to chat? So secretive. And why so defensive when I pointed this out to him?).
For many years I blamed those women, seeing them as totally predatory and my H as an innocent, just caught up in their evil talons. And if I could just make him see and understand what these bad women were actually after, it would all be fine.
Now I have w totally different view. He was gradually sliding towards an EA and then an EA/PA. I was pointing this out to him, and he wasn't listening to me. He chose to ignore me and follow his own path, because he wanted to.
He chose to put himself in situations where an EA/PA might, or would, happen. He let himself be open to it, and picked up on the signals from other women and followed them through.
