New night(s)

[Zues126]

100% disagree with Trumpet.

What H seems to be saying when he voices your appearance is that "Hey Kyrie, I understand my behavior doesn't work for long term for you or frankly either of us, but what I need you to understand is that one of the reasons I am struggling is that porn has been an outlet for me of some valid underlying needs, and while that's not an excuse to go in the face of my beliefs you aren't recognizing how difficult this is and how much being neglected and diminished over the years has been. I want this marriage to work, and I recognize I need to make some changes, but I need some help from you too, help in understanding my needs and validating me as a person, help in meeting those needs so I am not so tempted to look outside of our partnership, and help to think that our marriage can be fulfilling to me and not simply a co-existence in which I feel isolated, lonely, misunderstood, disapproved of, and uncared for. I will now open up to you and be vulnerable and voice some of those needs that I feel sensitive and shameful about."

In response are viewing his words as a personal attack and lashing out at him. You are threatening to walk out on a marriage from a person that is telling you he wants to own his part and make it work (hasn't done it all yet, but hasn't filed either). You are walking around wielding the 'porn' card repeatedly, this is the sole focus, and you use this to PROVE that you are absolutely right because PORN PORN PORN PORN PORN so he needs to shape up because it is your way or the highway and if he doesn't see it and get it fixed to your satisfaction then get out, and as long as that's in play anything he says about anything else is wrong.

You can say you wouldn't be this way if he wasn't doing what he was doing. But HE could say the SAME THING. The odd part is that he's recognizing he's been unreasonable more and more, you less and less. Now you're going the way of spew and resentment. Absolute WAS script. If YOU don't change you will end up D, maybe by your hand, maybe eventually by his. I'm sure right now you don't care. I'm not going to try to change your mind because after dealing with my WAS I am not interested, I'll stay detached. But I can't stay silent if you're going to shout this script on our very own DB forums.