Inpain, ugh. First I am so sorry for what you are going through. I can hear and feel your fear at losing your H and M when you write. I feel like that too.
There are so many similarities between your M, Anna's M and my R. We sure do know how to punish these men don't we? LOL I myself am quite the expert. I can be vicious with my words to him, and I have been. I'm not proud of it and it's cost me a lot as you've read.
I think the advice you've gotten is spot on and really may be your best shot. Irish gave you a few real life examples of couples that have gone through what we are going through.
Hi Rain, thanks for posting. You're right, I am very fearful of this whole thing like you. I think I need to go back and read all the posts, I feel like I'm confused as to what the advice actually is! Maybe I need to start journalling it. I just feel like I'm thrashing about in deep water.
Originally Posted By: Rain75
We can do this girl. We have to get some GAL activites and some 180s in place to help us DETACH!
Easy peasy lemon squeezy
I still need to figure out what my 180s should be.
Grrr no edit button! Thanks for the links Rain, I'll start reading
You are most welcome. And good luck. It will take you a while. Don't forget about us, I get engrossed in the older threads. Mostly because they read like a novel with twists and turns...I have to remind myself to check on my girls and even check my own thread when I'm in that zone.
And 180s for me aren't that hard to pinpoint, just to implement.
See ya at ladies night!
Rain (moi): 40 Ex Fiance: 39 3 kids On/off again EA & PA Last BD by ow 12/15 Moved kids and myself back into our own place: 12/15
The last few days has left me feeling very despondent about my situation and where it's heading.
Sunday H was a no show again, despite telling the kids he'd be round here all day. I let S11 call him at 6:30pm to ask if he was coming and H told him he would text me soon. 7:45pm he texts me to say he's not coming as he felt ill, sorry. So, the kids went to bed upset again.
Monday he was here bright and early to take D to school and was his usual chatty self while I dashed around doing the whole morning routine. He also picked D up from school so was there when I got home from work. D has an activity on a Monday evening so I dashed around between taking her, picking her up and cooking tea. H just sat around looking at his phone and didn't even offer to help in any way. S asked him to stay for tea, which he did and then left immediately after. A few hours later he text me to let me know the tea had given him heartburn! I text back to say sorry about that and he replied again saying he hoped I slept well. I thought maybe this was a baby step.
Today he came round at around 6:30pm just as I was serving tea. We almost argued as he sat telling S he couldn't have a dessert as he hadn't finished his tea, even though I'd allowed D to have one when she hadn't finished (she'd eaten enough for me to feel she could have a dessert and so had S). I really had to bite my tongue and I really thought things might blow up. H looked so annoyed and kept throwing S filthy looks about it. H came upstairs with us at the kid's bedtime and sat while I was reading a story to D. In the middle of it he said, "I'm going to get going IP darling." My heart leaped. He called me darling! He hasn't done that since he left. A baby step? But now I'm telling myself to not be so ridiculous, it was most likely a slip of the tongue from familiarity at calling me that for 19 years. He kissed the kids goodbye as I carried on reading and D pointed to me and motioned to him to give me a kiss too. It was so awkward. I pretended I hadn't noticed her doing it but she kept on with it and I saw H do a little shake of his head no. Who am I kidding? He comes round to see them, not me, if we didn't have kids I wouldn't have seen him for dust. I really don't feel like there is any point or any hope. His love for me is gone, he has told me that repeatedly. Every time he comes round my heart breaks a little more.
IP - I know he DB coach is expensive but just a short note to say they can set up the call via Skype and there are no call fees.. - also the £/$ rate is good at the mo. x
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
Hi isittoolate, thank you, I didn't know that. I'm a bit of a technology novice. There are really no fees with Skype? Not even from your internet provider?
Not from your provider. I have a subscription to call Europe that only costs me £13 for 3 months. So it well worth to have a try. I'm 100% there with you regarding him coming to see kids, that's why I decided to take the to see him. Seeing him coming into what was our house was hurting like hell and it was mostly preventing me from healing!!
I'm not 100% happy but I longer wake up in the morning feeling sorry for myself or thinking of him. Like you my H is done and enjoying his life with OW. I think they are well match as both don't have values regarding wedding vows, and now it's find by me. At least I can hold my head high that I didn't disrespect my H by having an A. If he is happy, then I wish him all the best. Everyone deserves to be happy LBS as well as WAH/ WH. If it's not with me a least I'd have had some years of happiness and two beautiful kids out of it.
I'm starting to behave as if and most importantly I believe that I'll be fine in the end.
Hang in there IP and listen to your inner voice. Take care and loads of hugs xxxx
Yes I know that pain Rouky. He left here two hours ago and I am still crying. I just want one small sign that there might be a chance. Just once.
My inner voice is telling me to call H and tell him how much I love him and miss him right now. So I'm trying hard not to listen to it and sitting here crying and reading posts instead.
I still need to figure out what my 180s should be.