I was not going to mention it but it is seems to be effecting me more then I thought today. At lunch time today, seven years ago, my wife stepped through the door and went from a EA to a PA. The last few years it was not such a bad day. This year is different. I'm down because forever this day has added meaning. Today seven years ago was the beginning of the end. She said this summer that the marriage was over then and she just didn't realize it. That the last seven years she was fooling herself and subsequently me.
For those of you who think I am always wise, patient, kind and compassionate man, you may want to skip this paragraph. As much as I am down I am angry. This woman who pledged an oath to me stabs me in the back. She does not tell me it's bad. No, she pulls her passive aggressive bull sh!t and meets up with some POS, strike one. Now seven years later she turns inward and won't give me the time of day, again passive aggressive bull sh!t, strike two. If she doesn't get herself together and choose a life with me by the time my son graduates from high school, at this moment I'm seeing strike three and she's out. I'm no "f"ing prize but I know I can find someone who will say good morning to me, make at least brief eye contact with during a conversation, someone I am allowed to touch. This is "f"ing bull sh!t and it will not go on indefinitely.
Whew, I feel better. A good rant is cathartic. I love her very much but two more years of this will be the point of critical mass.
Lovely Mutatio,
This post was beautifully authentic and human. I hope you experience some easing from the release of this energy. I know it sounds a little ridiculous but I have been hoping to see such a post from you. I am hoping to see what you do with anger that isn't all old school (past behaviour) yelling, but isn't shut down and not dealing with it either - which is the Coey (co-dependants way). I agree wholeheartedly with V on this one too.
Pho mentioned recently to you that you both are in this act of waiting, a holding pattern. As Pho rightly said, the WS feels this energy of waiting and they know that their S is still fully engaged and invested. I do wonder if this is why you don't see a happier more contented W. Because she has not yet felt your detachment. Or potentially W and Mutatio are little more than mirroring back and forth the same emotional tone - on the outside cool, polite aloof, but underneath quietly angry or raging about the state of the nation. Is this a stalemate? I am by no means an experienced DBer but I wonder if some of current goals and strategy would warrant review. DB coaching??? I know doing what works is DBing, but what if doing what works is maintaing the status quo. Maybe Roiste's words are worth pondering.
Anyway Mutatio, I like seeing you a little fiery, I'm all for a peaceful soul and life, but not entirely at the loss of passion!
