Feet on the ground, head in the sky

[HaWho]

Hi AJ- that is a good question.

I have a few theories. First, I think he is genuinely confused about how he feels about me and I think he is trying to keep me sitting on my hands while he works through things.

However, from a lot of my reading I am starting to worry that maybe H is love avoidant. He had emotional enmeshment with his mother. Anytime I even come close to talking about my emotional needs he gets antsy. His eyes even get furtive. It seems to be sensory overload for him.

If this is the case, he is seeing me pulling away. And I am in fact detaching more. This is not to lure him or pretzel myself but because it is not healthy for me to be warming a seat for a guy who up and walks out on a Saturday night to go see a movie by himself. What am I clinging to here? I am already alone and have been for quite some time. He has already abandoned me. And I have survived it.

So if he is love avoidant, then by pulling away vs. pursuing I have triggered his unconscious fear of abandonment now. Hence, he starts to move in. Then, if I take the bait, at some point it gets beyond "Monday morning water cooler talk level," bam, he runs and takes cover. Cycle recurs.

Those are my two theories. AJ or anyone else, do you see something different in the MLC tea leaves?

One last noteworthy item. Tonight S12 barged into the dorm room to tell H he did well on an advanced math test. H growled (and yelled!) at S12 to knock and sent him to his room for barging in without knocking. S12 was holding back tears as he was proud and wanted to share the good news. H was angry as he was recording a song. Spoiler alert: it is another dark, stormy song. Sigh.

Anyway, I have not seen H lash out angry like that since May. Despite the circumstances I found it refreshing. Sometimes I feel like I am just living with taxidermied H and I want to poke an emotional stick at him to see if he is alive.

New thread can be found here:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=newpost&Board=28