Last night I was reading a post by someone that has been on the boards for over 5 years. He was talking about WAW and how if they feel that you want to get back into your M at the drop of the hat they'll keep their distance at all costs.
I'm trying to find the exact quote and have searched threads but can't find it! If anyone read that too and can quote if for me I'd love to read it again, it was such a great post.
Thanks fellow DB'ers.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
I've been around here for 5+ years now although I rarely come by anymore as my life is in a really good place and it's hard to bring myself back. In those 5 years here's what I've seen:
Pursuing never works -- ever.
As long as your W feels like you are ready to jump back into a relationship with her as soon as she says "go" she will never be interested in doing so.
Before she can even consider it, she has to believe that you have completely let her go, that you are "done" and are at most ambivalent about trying again.
Until she truly believes that, she will not reverse course.
I can't tell you exactly why that is, but a WAS who believes that you are pursuing them even the slightest bit never looks back. When they feel you are truly "gone", at least emotionally, they will feel a sense of loss and for the first time will have the space to miss you and to assess what has been lost.
GAL and "Act as If" are designed (in my opinion) to simulate that state of having moved on. Few people are able to do GAL and "Act as If" when they are in such a state of emotional turmoil, and even fewer are able to do it "the right way" where they are not also simultaneously pursuing their runaway partner.
Bill I think you have to start turning down the dimmer switch on the attention and support you give her and eventually go pretty much dark. Give her space to miss you, and to feel what life will be like without your warm glow. Be absent instead of being present.
You've established through this last phase how supportive and wonderful you can be, now take that away and let her miss it. I truly believe that's your best hope.
Acc
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
