Thanks dwh15, when I woke up this morning she was the first thought in my head. I have periods where I feel okay and then other times I have this lump in my throat or I feel my stomach sink like on a rollercoaster. When the bad times come I think that she doesn’t love me anymore and wants to be with someone else so why do I care? Why do I want to be with someone that doesn’t want to be with me? I try and stop it when it very first starts and that seems to help.
My wife sends me five texts today of a Porsche 914 the exact same model as our first car and tells me it’s for sale and it’s in great shape. If only it came with the girl I used to know was what I wanted to text back but I didn’t. I waited a few hours and said thanks anyway. She also said “Hope all is well.” Not sure what that means as 3 days ago she acted like she wanted to kill me.
Have you re-read the DR books, there some nuggets in there you could put into play?
Also read the posts that focus on detachment (see Cadet's post toward the beginning of this thread), they may seem tough and confusing, if you start to embrace some of it you'll feel a lot better and make progress.
The pain and confusion won't instantly go away but they will ease as you'll see your sitch in a different way.
Change is hard but so worth it and everyone here will help you as you move forward and sometimes backwards, accept that as your doing something and it's part of the process.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Thanks Beagley, I thought I had detached but with her gone reality has begun to set in. I have started re-reading the books again and I take comfort in them. It’s hard to detach from 34 years of marriage and a betrayal. I have lots of work to do and I’m thankful for the support I’ve had here.
With my wife gone I’ve had time to think about my part in her leaving. I don’t condone her affair but I have realized I had been focusing on my pain when maybe I should have been thinking more of hers. I should have realized that she wouldn’t have done something like this if she was not hurting. She sent me another text this morning saying to give her any medical receipts and she would get them reimbursed. I sent her a very short email explaining the above without the affair part and told her I did not need a reply. I called to make an appointment with my therapist that I have not seen in months. I have not felt this heartbroken since I was a teenager, I feel like I’m in the fog too.
With my wife gone I’ve had time to think about my part in her leaving. I don’t condone her affair but I have realized I had been focusing on my pain when maybe I should have been thinking more of hers.
Very self aware thinking. I think the challenge is having a balance. The state of the relationship and the affair are two different things. Yes, your actions contributed to a relationship where an affair could occur, but that choice was entirely hers. So be compassionate and understanding, but don't be a doormat
Originally Posted By: SMXL5
I have not felt this heartbroken since I was a teenager, I feel like I’m in the fog too.
I can't imagine a pain like this. And it lasts as long as it takes to resolve things and beging to heal. I have heard, "It would be easier if my spouse had died", and that physiologically, the same pain centers in the brain triggered in physical pain are triggered by this emotional pain. And our own actions of wanting to reconcile or see things through a fuzzy filter are our own fog.
H:54 W:46 D:11 D:21 M:12 BD:1/15 In-house Separation 2/15 DB started 7/15, W sees consistency 9/15 Dropping the rope and having her leave 2/16, moves 5/16 Reconciliation 1/17 Obviously still struggling
