Ugh! I know you are both right. Yesterday we took a class together (non marriage related) taught by someone we know. (We talked minimally... I'm sure we look like an odd married pair w/ how little we smile and interact these days). I got a lot of positive attention in the class (by the male instructor) and it felt good. I worked hard on learnibg the skills taught in the class. That felt good. I felt pretty darn good yesterday & thought pretty much exactly that- a woman only a fool would leave. I felt capable, competent, attractive, and someone that could easily find someone else. But then when I woke up last night, the doubt set in again. I started thinking about H & what he was doing. Today I've been getting mad at him for withdrawing emotionally again... I have kept a lid on it & have had only positive friendly interactions w/ him... But I am already catching myself practicing a conversation about his giving me the cold shoulder as punishment just as I used to give the silent treatment as punishment (and he quickly told me that wouldn't fly early on in our relationship). So why can he draw that line so long ago in our relationship as a unhealthy move but I cannot draw the line at what he is doing now? He was opening up to me Tuesday-thursday until I freaked out on him Friday. Then he took that away. That is not ok.
T: 14 M: 12 D: 9 S: 6 BD: 2/18/15 (H affair) Working on marriage: 3/12/15-6/11/15 Broken Trust (my error): 6/11/15 H ring off: 7/6/15; Comm w/ OW confirmed 7/13/15 H wants to work on fixing things: 7/21/15
Slept really well last night. But I did have a dream about hearing my H talking on the phone downstairs & I snooped to listen in to see what he was saying & to try and figure out who he was talking to. Shows that my unconscious mind is even preoccupied with what he is doing!
This morning he left the house w/o even saying bye. Whatever. He is acting so ridiculous ... it seems so weird that last week he was saying we can fix this.
I am GAL this week... tonight & probably tomorrow night I'll be out of the house doing things for me. I also have some volunteer things set up for when we get back from vacation. So I am making an effort in this area.
Trying to get out of his head & to stop worrying so much about all that. This is difficult. I think because if you care about saving your marriage, it is only natural to think about what your spouse is thinking, going through, needing, etc. It doesn't help that we have been an avoid-avoid type relationship (found this out in our marital counseling) and this got us into a lot of our problems before. We both stuffed our resentments & then exploded on each other when we couldn't hold it in any longer. So we tended to avoid conflict and discussions about the conflicts whenever possible. So then in marriage counseling we learned how to address these things. And now... I am suppose to back off & wait for him to use the counseling skills & address his issues? I just have so much conflicting information ... my counselor is even suggesting doing something different. So no wonder I am at war with myself on what my best approach should be.
T: 14 M: 12 D: 9 S: 6 BD: 2/18/15 (H affair) Working on marriage: 3/12/15-6/11/15 Broken Trust (my error): 6/11/15 H ring off: 7/6/15; Comm w/ OW confirmed 7/13/15 H wants to work on fixing things: 7/21/15
You might want to think about creating a new thread before this one locks.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
