Hi Bea and Job-thanks for the support and advice. I need to be reminded I did not cause this.
Quick questions and then I will answer your questions. Do I wait for him to ask about R/apartment before I give my answer on apartment? We left it that I would think about it and get back to him (even though I knew my answer was the same as the first time he asked: NO THANKS-GROSS!)
Should I ask why he needs me to give him permission to get an apartment? What do I do? I am willing to give him more time in the house as things are moving more positive between us in our daily interactions and I think he needs more time. He told me he has a nostalgic romance for me and does not want to lose me and doesn't think he will-that we will be friends. (Cue MLC script music.) On vacation we will go to this romantic town we went to when we first dated. He says we have to see it again. I think he is trying to feel something/see if he can feel anything. But I think he is still empty inside.
He said if I say no to this whole arrangement, then he will stay 'til the kids go to college. This time he did use the word "separation" when mentioning apartment.
To answer your questions, both times he has asked for apt. he has asked for my permission to do so. Why doesn't he just go do it? I don't know for sure. I suppose I could ask. And I feel comfortable doing so. Should I ask? We had a really open calm talk. He's only monstered a few times thoughout his MLC. I think he wants to have the best of everything. I think it's that simple. He said to me several times that he really hoped I would let him come back and sleep here a few nights. I asked "what's in it for me in this arrangement?" He said "it is hard to co-parent." He's trying to tell me this is a help to me! (So much easier to have my MLC H coming and going as he pleases/ "helping me"- which entails him hiding in his room and then running out the door to "decompress." I think he wants to keep one foot here to feel good about himself, keep an eye on me, etc. He did say we could do this arrangement until the man I am seeing says "no more" to it.
I will say this. I have grown tremendously. I did not cry/was not emotional. I have detached from this craziness in ways I could not imagine possible. If he walks out the door in 2 minutes, I know deep down, it is his loss and that I will be just fine. I am not scared over it anymore.
It's crazy because we are getting along great/starting to re-build the friendship and he must be seeing that. And at times he certainly romances me. Last night he made a drink and spoon fed it to me. He is so lost . . .
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
