Fogg, you're so right. The good news is, the computer in my office where she "snoops" has absolutely no record of this site. I only access it on my laptop, and she never accesses my laptop... it's always with me. I thought too late about email and Skype... just never thought she was interested enough to check. Now that I see she was, it's a double edged sword: wish she hadn't seen it, but as Cali says, why did she bother looking? That in itself is intel worth having.
But other intel? Yeah... I don't need to see. I did go up to the computer today and logged out of everything. Our passwords for most accounts are in a book she keeps, so it's just a matter really of changing Skype and my email. No big deal, and she won't be alarmed if she tries to access anything, since she's the one who snooped. As for the joint account, there really isn't much reason for me to have access anymore. I'm glad I got the intel I have to this point, but from here on, I just need to detach and focus on me. It's so hard (as you know, Fogg), but I need to do it.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
In the kitchen here at my friend's house, drinking some coffee, tired because of yet another sleepless night. When will I ever stop waking up at 2am with that sad and hopeless pit in my gut? How long does it take?
I can't stop thinking about all the angry things she said to me yesterday. Mostly it was just that we're over, and I need to "deal with this loss," and stop telling people she's crazy. I use holy water to bless the house and always have, decided to use a little more lately - and in reading that she said I need to stop "messing" with her mind, "because you know how superstitious I am."
She was never supposed to see any of that, of course. And one of the reasons why she's snooped, I'm sure, is to see what I'm telling other people - her image and reputation are very important to her, and she thinks I'm dragging both through the mud by asking people to pray for her during this MLC. In fact, she threatened to "retaliate," although I don't know what that means or how she'd do it. She's also not happy that certain people know the OW came into the picture before any kind of BD, so that's also a perception she can't control.
I'm a person of faith, so there is a part of me that has been thinking that her heightened agitation has a lot to do with all the prayers and an unsettled conscience. Now that I see she's read all this stuff (really, none of it awful, she just knows that I've got people praying for her because she's dealing with a crisis), I don't know - it could just be a reaction to what she's read.
The irony is I left the house early yesterday to avoid her for the rest of the day, but between the argument we had on the way out the door, the texts, and the phone call in the evening, we haven't had that much contact in weeks!
I have to go home today, will have to face her, have no idea what to expect. I'm so ready to move out.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
I understand what you mean. I know it's hard in the situation you're in. Living with someone you love that feels nothing for you at the moment must be draining in all facets of your life. Just know that while physical space may be beneficial, it probably won't be the solution to all of your issues. Coming home to an empty house is not any easier than coming home to a WW.
Let her spew ... again we can only control our actions and how we react to things. She is all butt-hurt that there is a reality side to her fantasy coin and she just got a look at it. She will be upset and once again you are the enemy, this will pass.
Hang in there .. you are doing well.
OK - NOW Start a new thread - Thanks - Cadet
Last edited by Cadet; 07/02/1504:22 PM. Reason: message
