Put one foot in front of the other

[Zephyr]

Hi Eirinn, if you don't mind sharing... What are your goals? Maybe we can look at them with you. I know I have trouble sharing some things...one of the reasons I am here actually, to learn to share more.

I know I've had to adjust goals a few times based on more understanding and direction. Also I have had problems looking at things so closely that I have obscured big picture stuff...forest for the trees.

[Elly4]

Sure Zephyr, here they are. My very first post on here was how to word goals, so I could use any help.

Goal 1: I will ask him about his work and how he is feeling when he comes home (but not pursue if he walks away)

Goal 2: I will support him in dealing with my S (I used to let him know what worked for me with our S, but he told me that he felt I didn't trust him with our child)

Goal 3: I will tell my H that I appreciate when he does something for me, my S, or our house

Goal 4: I will lose two pounds a week, three weeks out of four

Goal 5: I will GAL twice a week

Goal 6: I will work out three times a week

Goal 7: I will make casual decisions without asking my husband his opinion

Here they are. Let it rip!

[Sotto]

Hi Eirinn, those sound great to me!

My only query is about Goal 2, from which I'm picking up vibes of you being A team parent and him being B or C team only, and sensitive about that too.

Does fact that you believe he needs 'support' to deal with his S just reinforce that?

I think you should tread carefully with this one. What form had you seen 'support' as taking? If he feels you didn't trust him with your S, would it be a better goal to step back and trust that he will be a good dad - rather than supporting??

Maybe I'm misinterpreting the goal, and I'm not even a parent either - step parent only - so do wait for others (particularly Dads?) to chime in too.

Otherwise, I think the goals look fab and good luck!

[Elly4]

Thanks, Toots! You're absolutely right about what he feels at least from what he's told me. So what my support meant is that I'm going to STFU and not tell him what works for me unless he asks. I'm also supporting him by not stepping in. I should reword the goal so it's clearer.

Our S is incredibly bright, but tomorrow is our first day of referring him for testing for a possibly diagnosis of Asperger's, Sensory Processing Disorder, or Asynchronous development. So that has added some stress to our home as well. It's hard for me to step back with my H when I feel like I want to help my S, but I don't need to help him. My H is a great dad when he's focused on our S.

Thanks for the feedback. With these goals, the house is less tense and we are talking more (about general things not R) and spending a bit more time together.

Thanks again Toots! I really appreciate your input!

[Elly4]

Of course, I messed up yesterday.

He texted me from work, "I have no staff here after 3:45 so I need to stay till 5 so I will be home at 5:30. I would like to say meet me for supper, but our S is suffering from allergies and we don't have the money."

I responded with, "Okay, no problem. Our S is feeling better today so if you wanted to go out to eat I could pay for it this time."

He responded, "Save your money. I will be home early enough for us to eat at home. I'm glad S is feeling better."

The night seemed much more tense and he was on the phone all night. Guess I shouldn't have offered to pay as that brings up his complaint that he can't support our family the way he wants to.

[Zephyr]

E,

I like the appreciation goal. I work in an office full of guys who are not told / shown that they are appreciated for the things they do. The sentiment needs to be genuine tho.

Im intrsted in about weight loss / workout goals. What excersizes were you planning for working out, specifically any kind of exercises. Do you have any dieting plans to go with that...goal is aggressive but doable, right!!!

Thank you for sharing.

[Elly4]

Thanks, Zephyr for the feedback! I truly do appreciate the things he does, I just think that after 23 years of marriage I was taking those things for granted, and I shouldn't.

For my weight loss, (I've lost 40 pounds December), and still want to lose another 64lbs. I gained a ton with my son and need to lose them. It's tricky to use diets with me as I have hypoglycemia and so have to eat 6 meals a day and have a certain amount of protein and carbs. The easiest thing for me to do is follow a diabetic diet, which works. I have only three weeks of weight loss to allow for me to screw it up occasionally and not beat up on myself.

For working out, I have a Y membership and have gotten a program from them that is good for me. I also started training and competing in dog agility again which I had stopped when my son was born. I'm also trying to do one three year old appropriate hike a week with my son, and inviting my H if he wants to come as he likes hiking a lot. We do a lot of running around at home, but I think finding a hike somewhere is more fun and a good workout for me.

*hugs*
E

[Bob723]

So what my support meant is that I'm going to STFU and not tell him what works for me unless he asks. I'm also supporting him by not stepping in. I should reword the goal so it's clearer.

Hi Eirinn,

First, I want to thank you for all your support -- you rock!

Goal #2, restated a little, makes more sense to me, too. You have gotten great advice from Toots (as usual)and from my friend Z.

I will dedicate a prayer to your family tonight, in particular your S. That has to be stressful, let's hope for the best.

*Hugs*

Bob

[Elly4]

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