2 years ago today I was happy... Our family was happy and together... And even though my W seemed stressed and sometimes zoned out, she still expressed love for me and seemed like she was still invested in "us"... Life seemed good...
I had no idea that the MLC hurricane was about to hit our lives full force in just a couple of months...
22 months ago my world turned upside down and became insane...
22 months ago my dreams were shattered... I was shattered
12 months ago I was just a few months into a new life on my own as a single parent (sharing custody 50/50)... But I was still broken...
Today I am better... Still a bit broken but continually healing as I continue to process and understand what happened, who I am, what I need, and what I need to do to help my children have the best possible life inspite of what this MLC has done to us.
My exW is definitely still in reply and, as far as I can tell, nowhere near ready to see the damage caused... She is no longer a spewing monster, but she still has so incredibly far to go (if she ever chooses to move forward out of where she is right now)... But that's not my concern anymore.
I also know without a doubt that this was supposed to happen... It has been painful and so difficult, but I am proud of who I am becoming as a result of everything that I have gone through and that I continue to go through on this journey.
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
I'm tired of my MLCer exW getting so much attention so here's a bulleted list all about me :-)
-- My job continues to go great. Have done a lot here in the past 15+ months including lots of networking and getting my name out there to let friends/colleagues know that I am interested in moving into a leadership position in an area more closely aligned with my expertise. It will happen!
-- Launching a new business on the side that should bring in some additional income. Should be launching in the next couple of weeks! Lots of hard work getting this moving, but will be worth it... In the process I was happy/proud to see how easy it was for me to open business accounts and a line of credit to get started. Very positive signs that I am on the right track...
-- Managed -- with my mom -- to take the kids on a very fun week-long vacation to the Rocky Mountains a few weeks ago. It was a wonderful trip and we made some amazing memories.
-- Doing really well financially -- have opened a new retirement account (through work), in the process of opening 529s for the kids (in my name), and have also had conversation with mortgage broker that made me feel much better about my current financial picture and ability to buy a home next spring.
-- Having fun with my kids when I have them during my weeks. Life is busy and hectic, but I feel very close to them and feel strongly that we will all continue to survive this experience.
-- I am dating someone, but will go into detail later about why it probably isn't something long-term. However, it hasn't been time wasted -- the experience has been fun but also has helped open my eyes about some things about myself and how the MLC has affected me (not all bad either)... I wasn't actively seeking anyone to date when this started, so I do believe it happened for a reason.
-- Feeling happy, peaceful (most of the time), and very optimistic about the future.
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
Yesterday/last night my GF and I had the talk about splitting up. I absolutely know it's the right thing to do, but it does hurt for a variety of reasons. She is a wonderful person in so many ways, but this isn't what I need in my life right now and because of where I am mentally and emotionally I am unable to give her everything she needs. The talk was sad but pleasant -- there was no screaming or negative energy... Both of us were calm and expressed our love and concern for each other. It was sad, but in my heart I can feel so much pressure disappearing now that we are on the process of ending this, and that -- so far -- it is happening without all of the ugliness that can happen.
So today I am feels my sad and a bit disappointed in myself because I am busting someone else. I know everything will be okay in time, but it [censored] right now.
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
