Thank you RD, I did not expect you to read my sitch. I think one of the hard things about it all about ex, is that he never gave me a long list of things I did and didn't do. Or alternatively no I don't love you anymore, nothing. What he did say is that I wallow, that I should have done more not to allow him to take me for granted, and tha t I needed to be , this one broke my heart but "someone worth marrying". He said that there was something about him that triggered something in me, and that my feelings of suicide at that end were the last straw for him. See he made it all my fault. And that just confirmed a lifetime of it being my fault.. that I deserved to be abused as a child, and the only way to get noticed in my family was to lol after others and be the "good girl". None of this seems real to me any more, it just feels like it's happened to someone else.
I feel so out of body at the moment, the effect of change I suppose, where nothing quite feels like it fits,and nothing looks or feels familiar and I think this feeling will last a little while.
Thank you for your kind words. One day I would like to believe that he was a fool to leave me, right now though I kinda agree with this position. But maybe there in lies the problem ...
Hi J.B. You have to stop this. Your H is taking c@@p. None of us are perfect. Maybe you should have done things different but so should he. You come across as a lovely person and your H seems to have taken advantage of that.
This is JB's time. You have a life to live and you will find love again If I'm honest your H doesn't deserve you in my eyes but you love him and that's your choice.
You also have the choice to love yourself. You can dwell in the past or your can live your life now We can all makes excuses for why we can't but we can. You have posted that you have big brown eyes , long black hair are sexy and caring
Where do I join the queue ???
Please stop and look around you. You live in a beautiful part of the world , you are an attractive , clever, caring and full of love person. Don't let H take any of that from you. At the moment he's done. None of us know what's around the corner and life can change in a heart beat If you and H are to be back together then that will happen. For now enjoy your life I always take insperstion from Toots , Pink , Vanillia and many others on here. They are suffering as much as anyone else but they get on with their lives and make it the best they can.
JB. Your H hurt you very badly but now its you that's hurting yourself everyday by dwelling on it. Of course it's not easy and I struggle most days but today is the first day of the rest of your life. How you live it is your choice.
I can understand the strain on your H. An H is usually only as happy as his W. A lot of a man’s self worth is derived by how well they can make their W happy. When the W is saying good things about him to her friends, laughing at his jokes, thanking him for what he does, and responding to advances, and overall treats her H like a catch…well, all is usually well in that man’s life. When she is perpetually dissatisfied and unhappy, he will feel like it’s all his fault…especially if you say things to support that. And when he tries everything he can think of and still feels he can’t win, then he gets tired of playing the game.
Co-dependent relationships usually involve TWO co-dependent people, so his self worth was probably MORE tied to your opinion of him than normal. So this was just magnified.
I agree with what rd500 is saying and what you mentioned above…that your depression just put more strain on him. And that you have to love yourself to be loved. And that you have to feel worthy, because if you don’t he can’t fix you and will in turn feel like a failure because he wants a M where his wife can be happy.
To a point.
But even a “broken” JellyB…JUST THE WAY YOU ARE TODAY…has a LOT of value. And while I sincerely hope you can learn and grow from this, I want to make this clear. You are OK just the way you are. I won’t list all of your great qualities because this thread would lock. I’ll just say that the very fact you are on this site standing by your M, taking accountability for your mistakes, and doing your best to grow from it…that alone puts you in the top 1%.
And the funny thing is that realizing you might never completely ‘fix’ yourself and that’s ok…that’s actually very close to fixing yourself after all. Trippy maaaaaaaaaan.
I would encourage you to get through all my original posts. I wrote a lot on co-dependence, self-abandonment, and some neat things along the way. Something might ring a bell. If not you might realize, as you said to me, you’re not alone in dealing with this.
Finally, I didn’t realize how dark things had gotten for you. Please, please, please take care of yourself. I’d recommend a DB coach. If that doesn’t work keep posting and keep talking to us.
PS- Start a new thread!!! (sorry for bumping this one Cadet, I was worried about JB)
