How To Be A Man Only A Fool Would Leave

[sandi2]

You may want to consider making a separate recording of her VM, just in case it is needed some day if this goes to court. And, you may want to print out the calendar every time she changes the scheduling. It will show how unstable it would be for S12 living with her.

I don't want to sound mean, HP. Over the years, I've picked up a couple of things here on the board about how one should protect themselves if they have to go to court over child custody.

[HPoirot]

Hello Wonka, Karma, and mahhhty. Wonka I sent the text. She says she can't transfer to the calendar today but will do it by tomorrow. I told her I will look for the new calendar then.

I then did bring up her trip this weekend. I know I shouldn't have. I acted on emotion.

She replied with her usual plenty texts and a VM complaining that I'm not forthcoming b/c I don't answer her calls and texts and if I did then maybe she would be forthcoming when she needs to break her commitments. She also brought up her full schedule today, her stress, her step dad dying, and all her other problems as reasons for her not confirming why she can't keep her commitments.

I sent one response. That I understand. That I simply wanted to know she is honest in her commitments going forward. Then I thanked her for her help.

She replied this is the first time she's broken her commitments and I had no reason to act this way.

I didn't bother to argue. I left it at that.

She then changed the subject. She asked if she could keep S12 for the bulk of this and next month so he could get reacclimatized to her. Then switch to a week on/off schedule. This after she agreed to try a 4 day schedule as I suggested.

I politely asked how she would feel about keeping S12 he first week when she gets her place. Then 5 days for her and 4 days for me for the first 5 weeks. Then a 4 day split. I said I'm sure she understands that 7 days away from S12 would be too long for me. She said that sounded OK.

So yes I was feeling some anger today as I was sitting here unproductively. I didn't need to trigger anger in W as I knew she would not confirm what she told me about her trip.

I do feel it's right to call her on her failing to keep her commitment to S12 and me and then being evasive about it. For her to respond by saying in a very self-righteous tone, "If you don't want to bother watching him let me know," is irritating... her again trying to blame me when I clearly say I'm happy I get to keep S12... that's not the point. The point is, do you respect us to keep your commitments and to be honest and considerate when you can't. I'm sure I can do better then poking her anger.

Or maybe there's nothing to do. I'm not happy having to be firm with this person every week and her seemingly not getting it 6 weeks into separation.

Doesn't matter. I'll keep on her about the calendar.

In her rant today, she mentioned maybe us talking about the taxes and the tuition. She has already agreed to how to pay them. So I will just let her know when I pay my percentage on Friday. When she asks... "No W I don't have money to pay your part."

Just keep going.

[Wonka]

HP.

Remember me urging you to get out out of your own way? Let life teach W the consequences of her own choices.

Nope. You JUST had to say something about "this weekend" because you JUST want to show her and stick it to her.

By having access to the schedule, S12 will see for himself how she's not keeping her commitments and he'll be the one to express his disappointment. It is on W to deal with the fallout directly. It is NOT your responsibility to point it out.

I do feel it's right to call her on her failing to keep her commitment to S12 and me and then being evasive about it. For her to respond by saying in a very self-righteous tone, "If you don't want to bother watching him let me know," is irritating... her again trying to blame me when I clearly say I'm happy I get to keep S12... that's not the point. The point is, do you respect us to keep your commitments and to be honest and considerate when you can't. I'm sure I can do better then poking her anger.

Remember this thing about "emotions"?? Hence the 24-hour rule to get one at a much more calmer place. Acting and/or reacting out of emotions does NOBODY any good. Especially the LBS.

Whose fault is it for having W respond to you in a snarky way? Your opening wasn't exactly collaborative at all.

Stop trying to get in the way and messing things up. It just gets an egg on your face and you come out looking like a jerk.

Seriously. Grow a pair and tell W in no uncertain terms that you expect access to the schedule. Your S12 deserves stability.

I'd be happy to assist with the email draft to W about the schedule. This nonsense needs to END right now. Up to you.

[bdub]

I would like to chime in that I see no reason for the "make up time" with S12. The past is the past. She is just going to use that extra time against you.
I did this exact same thing in my sitch, and it came back to haunt me!