Feeling lost

[jessm15]

Feeling good today. Haven't seen or spoken to the ex for 2 days and it's definitely easier without him around messing with my head.

Took my 3.5 year old D to get her nails painted "just like mummy" and she loved it then we got hot chocolates and marshmallows had a fun day with her.

Seeing a friend tomorrow and just have some lunch and wine. Looking forward to it!

[jessm15]

Haven't posted in a while so thought that I would post a little update.

It's been a crazy few weeks. My sister was in hospital, both of my kids have been sick and someone rear-ended me everyone is okay but my car, not so much

I feel like I am in limbo at the moment. Ex has the best of both worlds, comes home and stays the night whenever he misses the kids and then whenever he's tired or stressed he sleeps at his parents.

He's probably staying at home 3 nights a week, in our bed.

I've had moments where I have told him to leave and that he can't stay over anymore but then I always give in. Thinking that it's better to keep him close?

I don't text or call him first. Have been going to the gym and catching up with old friends so I definitely feel like I'm in a better place. I'm not crying in the bathroom everyday so that's something!

I have not asked anything about our R I have just stayed quiet and just been watching what he does. Sometimes he will finish work, come home, eat dinner with us, we will watch a movie then go to bed- like everything is normal. Other nights he just won't come home.

I was driving myself crazy wondering what he was thinking about our R seeing as I hadn't asked in weeks so I text and asked him if he was going to come him permanently?
This was his reply; I don't know at the moment, I know it's unfair on you not getting a legit answer out of me but my heads a mess, I miss being at home but I get stressed and you make me angry.

I didn't even know what to reply to that! "I get stressed" YEAH, toddlers are stressful!

I really need some advice I am lost as to what I should do. My friends say to kick him out and sell the house.

Should I just continue as I have been? No R talk. Not contacting him first. GAL.

The main thing I need advice on is do I just let him keep coming home and staying whenever he decides he wants to or do I need to tell him he can't stay he until he commits to the R?

I appreciate any replies thank you.

[lost18]

I feel for you Jess, I hope a vet can give you some advice on how to handle him coming and going. My H told me 2/14 he wanted a D, went back to work overseas, had a "family" vacation 7/14, injured at work and home 10/14, in separate rooms since. It is difficult being in limbo but you do have some control over it (as do I), it just depends on what you want.

My only advice is to not bring up R talk at all, (with the exception of if you decide to tell him to not come home until he figures it out). Take care of yourself, look and smell good when he is around, be positive and get a life of your own (easier said then done with 2 small kids but 25 would disagree! :)).

If you feel you need to set a boundary about him coming home than review the boundary cheat sheet Wonka posted. Just like with kids, make sure you follow through with your decision and the consequences you set forth. If you are unsure of what you want to do, don't do anything yet.

BTW...although your friends probably have your best interest in mind and don't like to see you hurt, you have to do what is best for you. If they can't support YOUR decisions than I would choose not to discuss your R with them at this point. Just my opinion.

Hang in there, this DB thing is a tough road!

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