I am not debating that every child needs both parents, but sometimes those parents can't live together. Sometimes they have to part for a while in order to work things out between them.
You have a short window of time to show her you are the man of this house and you have a few conditions, too. The very idea that she just waltz back into the home, announcing she keeps OM and their will be no intimacy with you! You said nothing? That right there is very unattractive in any man, JP.
You want to know what makes a man attractive to his W? I think I have already said, but I will say it again. She has to respect you in order to find you attractive. Stand up to her. Be a man, for crying out loud. She is ruling the roost and you are acting like one of the hen pecked chicks, instead of being the rooster!
You are so concerned about your teenage son, well show him how a man is so suppose to deal with a wayward woman under his roof. Do you want him going through the same thing some day? Do you want him to buckle under the orders of his W and just say, "Yes dear, anything you say, dear". B/c that is what he sees dad doing, so that is what he is learning.
To be perfectly clear, I am not endorsing any type of violence, okay? That is not the way a man should deal with a woman. And he doesn't have to....if he will just be the man he is suppose to be.
Maybe Bond or one of the other guys can spell it out better than I can. I think Bond would tell you to go get your b@lls out of her purse. (Right after he asked if you've finished reading the DB/DR book. Have you?)
Tell her you will not live in an open marriage. You will not live in a MR under the terms she laid out. It is unacceptable. Stop trying to hug and kiss her, b/c that indicates you approve. She doesn't want you. She wants another man. She is just tolerating you b/c you come with the house! Start thinking for yourself and doing what you want to do, instead of what she tells you. Speak up!
You are in for a very rough time of it, unless you decide you are not going to spend the rest of your life under the terms she laid down. You can tell her your terms and if she is not willing to work with you to have a real M, then you can tell her to pack her things and leave. You do not have to accept these terrible conditions. It is up to you.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Tell her you will not live in an open marriage. You will not live in a MR under the terms she laid out. It is unacceptable. Stop trying to hug and kiss her, b/c that indicates you approve. She doesn't want you. She wants another man. She is just tolerating you b/c you come with the house! Start thinking for yourself and doing what you want to do, instead of what she tells you. Speak up
!
She did reply.
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
You never answered my question of whether or not you read DR yet. Many of the answers you are looking for are in there. You can't rely on posters on here to spoon feed you the answers. You have to do the work yourself or else you won't understand the process to heal your M.
Is there a reason why you won't answer?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Thank you, yes I'm reading the book, thank you very much, sorry I did not address my reply to you, sometimes I just feel desperate, and try to get feed back maybe the wirong way but is because of desperation. thank you Me Bond.
Sorry Sandi2 I did no see your post, she does not want an open marriage, she keeps insisting she does not have any physical contact with this guy, but I have doubts, so I will have a conversation my older kids to let them know what is going on. Thank you Sandi2
she does not want an open marriage, she keeps insisting she does not have any physical contact with this guy, but I have doubts, so I will have a conversation my older kids to let them know what is going on.
JP, the point is that YOU tell her what YOU won't tolerate. YOU won't tolerate an open marriage. Any time a third person is between a married couple....it is a marriage with more than two people. She may or may not have been physical with him, but if she hasn't had a PA, it has been an EA.....which is just as serious to a woman. That may be hard for you to understand, b/c men are wired differently.
You still sound as if you are sitting quietly by while your W tells you want's what.
What do you plan to tell the kids?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
