Wonka I'm waiting for the books to arrive. I don't think I have any credibility with my W anyway. She has lost all respect for me. And coupled with the anger and resentment I'm ready to throw in the towel. But I just want to give it one more shot. The talk the other night got too bogged down in the moving home problem that any talk of my unacceptable state of limbo took a backseat and wasn't really heard, except for her to say that she lived in limbo for years, which is not really the same thing as I was not denying her love, physical closeness or emotional support. Sure I may have not met all her needs but I'm not a drunk, a wife-beater or a cheater - I just got busy as happens in marriages.
M: 59 W: 53 M: 9 yrs T: 14 yrs No kids together but D30(hers), S27, S24, D21(all 3 mine) W moved out 11/18/2013 D-Day 12/14/2013 W moved back home 12/1/2014
Hi Peter, I think it's best not to focus on a particular aim like 'renewing vows' or 'going to Grenada.' I think it you are ready to be done and you want to ask a final time, go for it. But from your posts, I'm questioning whether you are ready to be done. You don't really sound like you are.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
W, I would like to share with you my thoughts and I ask that you just listen to what I have to say without interrupting and I'll let you know when I'm finished. First of all, I'd like to say that I know I'm a good man who loves and is dedicated to his beautiful wife. I would like nothing more than to have a strong, deeply loving and happy marriage with you and that I am totally willing to commit to a reconciliation process that will involve reconnecting with each other and rebuilding trust. We've both had our shares of stressors which are at times untenable. So I would like to suggest that we take that trip to Grenada to get away from the external stressors and spend a week with each other, enjoying the sun and the sand between our toes, having some laughs and good times. Then when we return we will be in a better place to re-evaluate our situation.
Haven't you tried this once already? I think it was a different time and place, but it sounds very familiar. And those words you used? You've said it all before. Peter, she KNOWS how you feel. That's part of the problem.
You keep saying you don't want to leave any stone unturned. How long have you been saying that? It is an excuse to linger on.
If you want to continue as things are, that is your business. I hate to see you believe her lies and your own excuses for her, but that is up to you. And now her C is saying it make take years before she is able to come around. If ever? So are you ready to live in these conditions for the rest of your life, b/c frankly, I have seen no difference in how you describe her now than when you first posted. You "settled". You've catered to her and pursued her. You continue to reassure her of your love. You've treated her like a princess. She wipes her feet on you and disrespects you....and you keep putting up with it. Just how did you stand up to her the other night? By telling her you can't take it any more? Then you tuck your tail and go sleep on the couch. That is not what I see as standing up to her. Maybe you told your C more than you told us.
I think you are wasting precious years of your life. You deserve better. If you are as good a man as you say you are......then you deserve a good wife!!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Yeah Toots, I don't know. I'm torn. The thing I want the most is to happily married to W but that's not really working out too well at this point. I know she has issues from childhood sexual abuse and that's really poisoning everything. But she's a grown woman and has made choices that she may not be happy about. I'm definitely not happy about those choices.
I do want to reconcile but she's still far away from even going there. And yes, I can't take this limbo much longer.
M: 59 W: 53 M: 9 yrs T: 14 yrs No kids together but D30(hers), S27, S24, D21(all 3 mine) W moved out 11/18/2013 D-Day 12/14/2013 W moved back home 12/1/2014
Wonka, I started reading Nonviolent Communication: observe, feel, needs, request.
I see you're still in touch with OM. That makes me feel hurt and betrayed. I need my wife to be faithful and true. I ask that you never contact him gain.
Don't know how well that'll go over. But I'm just being facetious. I'll finish reading the book before I start trying to use the wisdom in it.
M: 59 W: 53 M: 9 yrs T: 14 yrs No kids together but D30(hers), S27, S24, D21(all 3 mine) W moved out 11/18/2013 D-Day 12/14/2013 W moved back home 12/1/2014
M: 59 W: 53 M: 9 yrs T: 14 yrs No kids together but D30(hers), S27, S24, D21(all 3 mine) W moved out 11/18/2013 D-Day 12/14/2013 W moved back home 12/1/2014
