You are doing great Lou. It is a process and being hopeful is not necessarily holding on. There is a fine line. Be proud of all you have accomplished so far.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
Had a bit of an emotional day - a few tears, which hasn't happened for a couple of weeks.
Some of my furniture was picked up by the Sallie Army today, it felt good to be passing it on to families in need, but once they had gone it hit me - my history - our history - just left in the back of a truck - Feel silly getting sentimental over a couch! Oh deary me lol.
I can see its going to be a week of tears and sentimentality. This time next week I will starting my new chapter ..... still feels surreal at the moment.
I know I have a few stressful weeks ahead, acknowledging that its ok to feel down and allowing it to happen is a leap forward for me, its something I have struggled accepting throughout this process. I don't feel guilty having a few tears or even a meltdown - actually I feel proud that I have made it this far - organising this move on my own has been an achievement of epic proportions for me.
Please do not feel bad about feeling and acknowledging sadness. It is when we do not do it, or pretend we are OK when we aren't, that psychological problems can happen further down the line.
There is real pain in the loss of marriage, in breach of trust, and in the loss of our life partner. It would be more worrying if you didn't feel bad.
We are all walking the same path, and it hurts. It does get better, I promise you, and curiously, the more you experience the pain (I do not mean wallow in it, which you clearly do not do!) I believe the more completely we eventually heal, even healing old hurts from way back.
hang in there, there is a great life ahead, hurts and all!
Lou- I am sorry this is happening but let those tears flow. Letting that emotion out is far healthier for you in the long run. You should be proud of everything you've accomplished with this move. It is a huge undertaking even when one isn't dealing with so many changes.
You did not want this loss in your life but you are being so gracious. I have to say your attitude and ability to see the bigger picture is inspiring to me.
Hugs from the US. Looking forward to watching you tackle this next chapter in your life. I think great times are ahead for you.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
Lou, It's okay to feel sad and yes, the emotions are all over the place when we are put in a position of dismantling our lives, homes, etc. The history will never go away because it's in our memory banks, but the future is unknown and you have to get through today to get to the future.
Hugs to you because this is an emotional time for you. Take care of yourself, and if you need to cry, cry. There's nothing wrong w/that one bit.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you Beatrice, Gwen and Job, I really appreciate you taking the time to write to me. I am humbled that so many people are giving me support through this time ...
Still feeling all over the place. That horrible time when I recycle back through the stages I hoped I had left far behind - even back to wondering about h and what is going on with him right now, if I am ever in his thoughts .... especially now I am moving.
I try so hard to stop myself from letting him dominate my thoughts, I was doing so well - yet here he is again, as clear as when he first left. Its so frustrating - why can't I get control of this, its my head, my choice to let him in - flippin fluppin floopin brain lol. Some days I feel like I am heading for Crazyville.
I have experienced the ability to focus on myself now; so to slip backwards (even as a temp thing) is very annoying. Still, I have not broken my NC rule, I have not contacted him since start of Oct, and he only communicates when he has to, so at least I have not gone backwards in all areas.
Hopefully this is a short stage this time and I can resume my journey going in a forwards direction soon.
Hope you all are having a good day (night) depending on where you are in the world :o) ((hugs))
Cycles .. it all cycles .. wash/rinse/repeat ... it gets better trust me, not as intense the next time ... then just when you think ok I am past it .. whammo .. back again. Its normal and from what I can tell healthy .. use it to propel you to where you need to be. Own it .. do not suppress it .. deal with the emotions and feelings as they come, and take them for what they are .. feelings. If you did not have them you would not be here .... your H probably would .. and be 2-3 threads into .. "Why did she leave me"
