Dropped my son off tonight to go with his dad. We met half way. I kept it short, only discussed the things we needed to about our son, then I left. My son whined a little which made me feel bad. Im very excited to get 2 days of sleeping in.
My H & SD were very happy to see my son. I know they are all going to have a good time. I really hope when I pick him back up on Sunday that he will cry when daddy leaves so my H will feel a little guilty. I know that sounds awful, but it is what it is.
I am going to try and not call this weekend,but it will be hard.
Well, I'm not as depressed as before. I love being close to my family and having a future that I can control. My depression might have stemmed from being in a bad relationship and getting away helped.
As for the money, I don't really have any so it's not a problem lol. But I am trying to be more responsible and spend wisely.
What do you mean? Look, it takes two people for a M to fail. If you were messy, then learn to clean. If you didn't get along with his SD, then learn how to communicate with her, etc.
What were the things YOU and only YOU did that contributed to your M failing? Forget about adding your H's name to this. We're just talking about you and the things that YOU have control over.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
May I elaborate a little. I will assume you know what Chapman's 5 languages of love are.
If you H's primary language of love was "acts of service" and he felt it was a W's responsibility, like some men for a W to have a hot meal cooked and ready to serve when he gets home from work, you could make him feel "more" loved by making sure when he get's home there is a hot meal you have cooked.
Some men, for all the wrong reasons are acts of service people who probably because of parental role models expect to come home to a clean & organized house, expect to have a hot meal ready, expect all kinds of bizzare unreasonable things. When those acts of service they saw growing up are not met, they feel unloved.
Similarly, other men have a primary love language of touch. Those are the kind of men that you want to hug briefly when they are ready to leave for work or when they get home at night. Again, it is not right or wrong, it is just want makes them feel loved.
Still other men require quality time as their love language. These kinds of people require that you find time to sit and talk to them, say at dinner or after dinner and you listen and discuss their day and what is on their mind. That is how they feel loved.
Another love language is presents. Providing little notes or surprise desserts in a packed lunch makes them feel loved or making a fuss over some kind of dessert for dinner that you bought or made and claim is something special you got for them.
The fifth LL is words of affirmation. This is praise. Listening to them talk about their day and saying things like I am so proud of what you do, or you handled that situation very well, will make them feel loved.
In reviewing your M, using those 5 catagories were there any things that you H needed to feel loved that you didn't provide? If so those are things you could change in the way you interact with him that will make him feel different with you and may result in his treating you differently.
A final thought. One of the hardest parts of DB is figuring out what you can control and what you can't control. You might want to do some affirmations that you are responsible for your happiness and that you H is not responsible for your happiness. If you expect your H to be responsible for making you happy, you are really in a co-dependent relationship and not a good marriage, where each has responsibilities to themselves and each other.
good luck.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
