newbie need help needs help part 4

[igit]

Mr Bond I have given it some more thought and I am not going to do that to my 12D. I have realized that I have enabled this A to continue. I asked my ww to move out this weekend. I told her I didn't think it was good for the kids, it is setting a poor example to our young kids and thought she should leave. I wasn't angry I just can't put up with it anymore. WAw has been very nice and warm to me the last few days. I am going to sit down with her sometime this week and bring it up again.something like this > we have had some problems in our M in last few years, but this A is a big problem that I can't allow to continue in my life. If this is the future you want I won't stop you. But I won't hide it from anyone any longer , and i will not be a part of her life anymore.

[MrBond]

"Mr Bond I have given it some more thought and I am not going to do that to my 12D."

Good. Nothing good could have come out of it. Plus it indirectly makes forces your D to see your W as the "bad guy". No one wants to hear their mom shown in that light. Even adults.

[igit]

Mr Bond, what are your thoughts on conversation about asking her to move out.

[MrBond]

That's up to you and what you're willing to tolerate. If she's still seeing the OM while she's living at home, then personally, I would have packed her bags long ago and dropped them off at the OM's doorstep. But that's just my opinion.

[igit]

Took our 3 kids to casting crowns concert tonight. WAw favorite christian band prior to A. She texted me this morning and had concerns with me taking them. She was worried the kids were to young and I would have a hard time managing by myself. I texted back and validated her concerns and asked if she wanted to go and help. Didn't get a text back.this afternoon she called on way home from school and said she would help kids get ready. She helped pack car gave me a hug and said have a good time. I looked her in eyes and smiled and told her this was all her fault. Since all this chaos in my life I have grown to love the christian concerts. She smiled back. Anyway I am going to ask her to come up with a plan for immediate future. I can't live with her while she is still involved in A. She asked me to commit to getting kids to school this year prior to her accepting her teaching job.she drives an hour each way and leaves at.6am. After accepting job I was served D summons. No warning just a guy shows up at my house one day and drops off. That was mid August. I responded early September and nothing has happened or been scheduled. I can't see living like this to much longer. We have been getting along well for the most part. I am going to stay happy and keep positive interactions but am going to ask her to come up with a plan. 1. Let her know I can't live with these conditions any longer. We have some problems with our M. But the A is a bigger problem on the go forward and although I committed to taking kids in the mornings until June I wouldnt have made that same decision without a plan in place for our future. I would like her to find a place of her own real soon. Although we have been getting along well and a few family dinners etc I feel like she is cake walking big time. I don't know if she even has a plan..One thing that has me scratching my head is does she think I can live with her till June. And with kids and school she can't help with mornings. She has made the comment that she doesn't think kids love her. She is in MLC if the signs are accurate to what mlc is. I am going to be freinds until she gets a place if she agrees to it. Then plan B goes into affect until A is over. She has been a very controlling w for a long time. Still even with our sitch. It might do us both some good. Any comments would be appreciated.

[wmwb123]

Tough situation, indeed. I wish I could offer advice, but I can't. I will be praying for you, though.

[Ahoy]

Maybe since you're not sure what's best (in terms of whether to ask her to move out or not), you should do what you think would be best for the kids. Let that be your priority and focus right now. Maybe that takes a sacrifice on your part to put up living with her, but if you're properly detached and working on GAL, then it shouldn't matter as much.

I'm not a vet, though. That's just my two cents. (I'm not detached either.)

[igit]

What is best for kids? To see an unhealthy m. Running out at all hours, no consistency or quality time with mom. It might be best for them to have her leave and get the full impact of what she is doing. Let her live the life she thinks she wants and put her bgp on.