Maybell, Part V

[Maybell]

Btw, got an invoice from the lawyer and she's done very little. I was thinking of telling her to suspend work on the separation agreement (but hold the retainer, in case) for the time being. I don't want to continue the process at this time if there isn't a good reason to.

Any reason I shouldn't, besides that my mother might call me stupid?

[claire7]

(haha, I hear you about difficult mothers!)

How are things going?

There is no reason, IMO, to rush things through. (My process is moving verrry slowly, and I am quite ok with that at the moment).

There's a couple of ways to look at it: There may not be any harm in drafting the agreement (nothing has to be signed or filed just because it's written, right?) Then, at least you have that done regardless.

I guess a separation agreement would be good to have if you have financial concerns, or are having difficulty with custody arrangements.

Or, if none of that is a concern right now, you could put things on hold, for sure. What reasons can you think of to continue getting the agreement drafted or not?

[Maybell]

Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead!

Lol.

Staying with my brother and SIL and their three kids with my kiddos. My brother's house is very resort-like and they invited me here to recharge before the summer.

About two hours in to my fourteen hour drive I realized that I hadn't thought do anything but H during the entire drive. So I started really working at changing the direction of my thoughts. And then I realized... I've been living way too much of my life that way. Not just since BD, but for years.

Yeah, that realization lasted a day.

My mom is really frustrated with me. She thinks I'm letting him mistreat me. I can't even say his name without her snorting and making noises that he can do no right. I don't blame her for being angry, but if my daughter were as clear with me about what support she wanted from me I'd do my best to provide it. She thinks he hasn't done enough to get to know them, even though they NEVER call him and she complains about how much I brought him around when we were dating. She's mad he hasn't called to apologize to her!! So... I'm going to have to make her angrier and stop relying on her support. She makes me feel worse and telling her anything makes her angrier with him and I wish I had never told her anything. Which will upset her when she realizes she's been cut out, because she wants me to feel free to share. So that's my big drama.

I was a little down today because H went to the house to bring in the mail and sent all these texts telling me he was collecting supplies to hang art, etc. at his apartment. I'm thinking, though, that's not a reason to be upset. If he's willing to break the lease to reconcile, as he said when he got the place, then a few holes in the walls won't stop him. Part of me also thinks he did it today because there wasn't much else to do. So the sooner he runs out of ways to kill time the sooner he's going to have to start paying attention to his share of this mess.

My SIL is lovely. She's disgusted with the way he's left me holding the bag but supportive of the idea of repairing the marriage. Because she listened supportively I was able to remember I'm in the middle stretch of the marathon. Now I'm out of the opening scrum, I can stretch my legs and let my arms swing, pay attention to the music and plan my rest stations.

Labug, this is where reading your threads is going to really help me.

So, Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead... But I'm not dead yet!!

[Meghan]

It's good that you're getting a bit of a break, and I find your realisation especially interesting. It parallels a few realisations that I've had recently, particularly around how long I've been basically shaping my life - not completely, but largely - around H. and how small my world became as a result. I don't know if this is the case for you, but for me it happened so gradually that I didn't really notice it. Now that I have, though, it's been a revelation.

That's tough with your mom. It's nice to get sympathy and indignation and validation so it feels like people are on your side, but it seems like there often comes a point when they no longer agree with your choices, and the relationships become strained. Is it possible to sit down with her again to be clear about not just what kind of support you need, but why you need it, too? I'm wondering how much context your mother has for you wanting to work through things and whether giving her more of that might help her to better support you.