Wife walked aways (two months ago now) new thread

[BigMac]

Thanks Pilot.

To be completely honest, it has been super hard to be that person. For the past 4 months she has been gone, out of my life.

It took a while, but I was able to detach, create a support system and move on with my life.

The past month or so has been a whirlwind of moving, paperwork, having to have increased contact with her. Honestly it threw me in to an emotional whirlwind. As I finally get my own place again (getting keys to the ground floor of a 100 year old victorian home downtown on Sunday), get settled into my new surroundings and town I'm starting to find myself again.

Frankly, I like it more when she is in her own space creating her own messes. When I get lumped into it my body gets into this fight or flight response and I get dragged into her crazy reactions.

Loving getting on with my own life, maybe one day she'll come out of her fog, though at this point I really doubt it.

Regarding the OM. They work together in a pretty small company. Knowing her she will pull the siren card to continue to re-engage. Knowing her, and other people have confirmed, she is terribly afraid of being alone. So I think the OM will be in the picture in some fashion for a while (at least as a FWB)

[pilot]

I would not even try to make assumptions regarding OM and how he may or may not be a part of your W's future. That is just going to eat at you and cause you heartache for no reason.

Believe me, if you two have had a long break and are just now having increased contact, she is most likely having the same emotional whirlwinds.

[BigMac]

Pilot, thanks for the perspective.

What is weird, after meeting the OM in person for the first time, and seeing how much of a mousey loser he is. I see that she just found someone to stop her from being lonely. It has really helped me to detach.

Though I will say, that many times I feel that since she is the one who left, she is the one who made the choice to destroy our marriage that she isn't feeling anything.

After seeing her in person, I see that she is a hot mess. Mood swings, Anger, having to actually take care of the kids, herself, and a job is turning out to be to much.

Her life with me was a really good life. She has to hate that I'm starting to thrive without her.

[pilot]

What is weird, after meeting the OM in person for the first time, and seeing how much of a mousey loser he is. I see that she just found someone to stop her from being lonely. It has really helped me to detach.

Just try not to discount him too much. Remember, SOMETHING about him drew her to him. Something she was missing from you. Figure it out, and you CAN be the better choice.

[BigMac]

Pilot -

He is a recruiter at the "startup" that the W went to work for. He was the guy, in the party town showing her all the fun things. He embodied the culture of the startup and "rescued her" helping her through the process to get a job. He was witty and had good banter, and was there.

I can see the game that was played quite clearly. She was extra flirty and played the siren card pretty hard. And also was tired of people identifying her as my wife, and wanted to make a name for herself (low self esteem + over compensating ego).

Now I am the guy with the place downtown. I am the guy doing all the fun stuff. She commented a couple weeks ago that she "has done nothing" in the new town.... and that I am out doing everything.

The reality is she has been hanging out in the luxury malls, running up her credit cards and then sleeping over at losers place. She hasn't experienced anything in this new town.

What was missing from me was that I was super depressed. I had lost my mojo (my self confidence) and absolutely was not attractive mentally.

That has passed. What is crazy, is that even though life is super stressful right now, I am happier now then I was before she left.....

Case in point,

I'm in San Francisco for work this week. It is a vibrant city with great night life. I pinged an old friend of mine to meet up for late afternoon coffee. We ended up ringing some more friends moving down to a wine bar, then to an amazing little restaurant. Had great conversation, met some new people, and had a great time.

This was the me before I let my W intermesh herself into my independent life. Once she got in her mental games and manipulation separated me from my friends and I started to believe that I had low self worth.

Now I'm back. I'm charming, approachable, connected and fun. I'm living life in the best way that I can.

Divorce
Death in the family
Job change
Move

I have all of those going on right now. And I'm not cracking.

I'm back. Life can be rough sometimes, but hey. I'm a survivor.

[BigMac]

Here is an update for everyone

I am in my new place in Tx, she has almost everything from the house, I am sleeping on an air mattress until I can get new furniture. This is the great restart in my life.. it's funny how she leaves, abandons me and the kids. Yet I am the one who has to (or gets to) restart.

The first day I am in my place the WAW was away for work, she text's me asking if I could send her wedding ring to the jeweler so she can get it remade into something new.

This hit me like a 2x4 to the head. Every time I detach, something like this happens. It's almost as if she is trying to screw with me on purpose. Thankfully pretty soon I get to grab my stuff out of her garage and put some more distance between us.

I wish this process was easier, its as if we are going through the separation process 4-5 months in.