Another backslide day....I was cold tonight in interactions. I tried to be friendly but when I realized how I was I just got cold instead. I can't find a balance in my attitude that easily. I seem to either be playful or withdrawn and just can't find my center. Honestly, I just want to get through the next two months. Once I'm past these projects at work and moved into my new apartment I think I'll be able to do a lot more for me. Also, I love my S, but during the summer I will have a lot more me time. Right now I have him most every day and thats manageable but doesn't allow much GAL while working full time. My next day to myself will have been a month since the last one.
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
Need someone to verbally slap me and get my mind straight again. W decided to open up a bit again last night and the details of the conversation aren't important...believe none of what you hear, right. But one of the things she has now mentioned twice is that a couple close influences have been trying to convince her that it would be a good idea to move into the apartment S and I are about to move into as a roommate coming up in a couple months. She didn't say much about it but brought it up twice in a few days. I think I'm reading too much into it but honestly, its a bad idea right?
Quick recap of facts...no OM, W out for 6 months now having walked out at BD, and no signs of slowing down the D process yet. Aparently she has paperwork in order but hasn't filed yet. Its still a bad idea right? I should just let it be and not touch that one with a 10 foot pole, am I right? I hat that she can still stir me up like this so easily.
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
BAD IDEA. Space is what is needed if the WAW is ever to reconsider their position/actions. Can't get space while living with the WAW, trust me, I have been living with mine since BD in October....can't leave until we get a temporary custody order.
All it does it makes it harder for me to detach and her stress/almost hatred of my presence keeps escalating.
And, she should decide whether she is in the marriage or out of the marriage. She makes the decision to walk then she deals with the consequences.
me 41 w43 married 20 years BD 10/10/13 ILYBNILWY.... 4 kids, 21,18,8,6
Probably had my best night of successfully following DB rules last night. W dropped off S after spending a couple hours with him. I listened as she went on about her problems and her disgust with others around her. I ignored the couple of baited comments without 'chiming in'. I validated without criticism of those I was hearing about, which is a big 180 for me and without offering advice. I finished making dinner for my S and shared a glass of wine with W and then let her leave without looking for attention or following her to the door. All in all feeling good about my performance.
This last weekend I took S out for another round of fun at the locl playhouse and then to lunch. W asked to come along so we let her and everything was freindly. She seemed withdrawn much of the time but I think I did well at not worrying about it and just enjoying time with S. Only 7 weeks until we facate the old home we have been in for more than 7 years. Can't wait to get into new apartment and start figuring things out for me for this summer.
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
Started to fall of the wagon recently for progress on MY happiness but after seeing a post the other night from 25 on another thread I sat down and made new lists on what to work on and have been back to working out / eating right / GAL this week. W will have S this weekend and the first time I will have to myself in a month. Already filled up the weekend plans.
Starting to worry about my S though. This hasn't affected him much to date. He is not attentive to his surroundings very often but reports have started coming home from school about tantrums and being uncooperative. This has not been a steady problem for him every. He has also started having fits when W or I have to leave him with the other one. Obviously I can't say anything about it without it sounding like I blame her but feeling a little helpless about how to help S.
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
Starting to think I'm just more gullible than the average LBS. I can't seem to stop getting pulled back in to pursuing from W friendly demeanor. She does little things like grab my hand or hug me from time to time and it just seems like she is turning a corner. I of course fall for it every time and fall into pursuit. I don't see how others can detach enough to act friendly and have S around enough to feel like there is a connection without reacting. I'm terrible at this.
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
