1 month to go

[TabD]

Hey Everyone,
Well my other thread locked (sex with MLC?)

the title of this thread, is b/c H told me when he dropped the bomb that when court is done with his Mom, that he is gone. Well we have a court date set for 04/26/07. So I am scared. I know other's that have kept up with my story know that I am taking it 1 day at a time. But as the date nears I get a little more scared.

Things have been going well with us for the past few weeks. H has now caught a cold and he is been VERY irritable. H keeps blaming the cold... so I just go with it.

well I think he may be a bit upset that I am leaving tomorrow for 2 days. I bought H tickets to a NBA game for Valetines day. H states he doesn't want to go, but yet he makes comments about not being able to go b/c of work. Well here's the scoop... when I planned all of this maybe I went the wrong way. I called his boss at work and told him what I was doing and requested that he have th 27th and 28th of March off for this. Well when I finally gave him the tickets on "our" valetines day (16th of Feb). that is b/c H works in a resturant and I have come to grips with that. Well he got upset and said he didn't want to go and how would he get the time off from work since the schedule is already out... So I confessed that I talked with his boss and got him the days off... well H went to his boss and told him he could work... so actually it is his own fault that he isn't going. H didn't think that I would go without him.. Well I am. I bought the ticket's and I am going. I have gotten the other ticket sold to a friend of mine that lives in the area of the game and we are going together. so I am leaving for a bit and it is all going to be for ME!!!!

I get scared about the time H states that he is going to leave.. H has only said it 2 times. but H confuses me so much sometimes. Like tonight we were talking, and H wants a new motorcycle. I said we can not afford a bigger payment at this point. and we have 2 projects started in the house that we NEED to finish. so H said ok, I will keep this bike this summer and just watch to see if he can do a trade in. He wants a bigger bike. He thinks that he would be more willing to give me rides and go out on the bike together if his bike was bigger. I do agree but yet we can NOT afford it... H knows this and he seems ok. but I keep thinking to myself. if you are leaving in 1 month then what does it matter what "we" do in 3 to 4 months together? so how do you interpret that???

[forward]

I don't know--it seems that MLCers are often a lot of talk but do not take initiative ?

Do you have reasons to believe that he will hold to the date? And why that date??

[goal]

Very typical mlc confusion. My H did this all the time. H would talk about plans in the future, but still claimed that he wanted to be gone with OW. You have to blow it off and smile.

[TabD]

Thanks you guys!!!

As for if I believe H will actually leave, I am not so sure. but don't I need to be prepared to a point so if he does I am not a blubbering idiot in front of my D's?

That date, I have asked myself that question over and over. I don't know why. I told my H if he wants out to leave now. We don't need to be together for this court hearing with his Mom, yes it is a court case dealing with our children and her wanting visitations... well both my H and I agree that she can not have them. (we are firm on that) just b/c of crap she did to my H and his siblings when they were younger and what she has already done to our children. nothing physcial... she will just undermine our authority and things like that. We tried counseling with her, (btw MIL HATES ME) but that didn't seem to help. Even the C told us point blank that she is set in her ways and the C doesn't feel MIL will EVER change. so you see why we are firm on this?

I guess I will enjoy this month with H and family and wait and see what happens.

for now I am going to enjoy my 2 days away. This was meant for H and I but now it is just for ME!!!

[chaflo]

TabD.... you need to read Ping the frog book.... all these event are just making you stronger and stronger.... you are a great woman and deserve nothing but the best and that best is down the river you just need to start flotting and enjoy the ride without fighting the current too much. In laws I could go on about but seriously who cares what they think.... the important things is that you love yourself and realize your worth.
Enjoy those 2 days away to the maximum!!!

[forward]

Ah TabD, I too hope to be prepared for such a thing but I don't know if that can be possible.

I am understanding that detachment is to try to make the separation process easier, but oh sigh!

[Grace_O]

Tab,

I agree that preparing for his leaving is a wierd and daunting task. On the one hand how do I prepare (other than detach) for something that if I keep thinking about I may create? Kind of a double edged sword there. On the other I would really rather not be cold cocked again. Gives me things to think about when I can't sleep (so, you know I think alot around 3 am).

Have a really good trip and enjoy every minute of it!

[HeartScared]

Hello Tab,

My husband also mentioned again to me recently that "if I live here or not he I have an old car fixed up on rims and hydralics. Well, my face changed and I asked him why he said that. He said "I was not trying to be negative, I just said it."

Last night he finally said ILY after not saying it on his own in about 6 months.

They are confused, my husband I think is testing me pressing a few buttons, purposely "letting" his cell slide out his pocket, to see if I will check it.

Our H are very similar I have quickly learned that ACTIONS speak VOLUMES more than their WORDS.

I would go along like everything is ok.

The otherday when I came home from work the garage door was open. I almost did not drive in the driveway. I was sure my husband was moving out even though we had been getting along better. I was SOOOO SCARED to walk in the house. AT anyrate I finallly parked and walked slowly in the house. The kids were in den, they asked me why I was comming in from the laundry room. ALl I could think was H is moving out. I went upstairs and he was getting ready for work. I told him the garage door was open . He was like really? (You see we had had the opener unplugged and it was plugged in.) He went down checked it out. This happened a few months ago the door was just open so we unplugged it. My H lowered the door and unplugged it again and went back upstairs. I was ALL UPSET FOR NOTHING!!! I felt so dumb. Then I remembered I had plugged it in whil cleaning the garage out Valentine's Day. See what an overactive imagination and paranoia will get you?

LOL!

[TabD]

HS,
I know I sometimes let my heart/head run wild. Just like last night, H's motorcycle has been sitting out side for over 2 weeks. When I got back into town last night and got home the bike and the pickup were not in the driveway... I got freaked that he moved things out. Even though I had talked to H the night before and everything seemed fine. When I got in the house and went into the gargage, guess what, there was the bike H took Pickup to work. so I know exactly what you are talking about. Get scared over nothing and then nothing to do but Laugh at our selves!

GREAT, he said ILY. I still haven't gotten that. but last night we had sex and there was lots and lots of affection from H. EVEN kissing... mostly kissing and lots of it... it was so wonderful b/c remember H doesn't want to kiss! i just enjoyed the whole event. It was wonderful.. I made me feel like he did really miss me while I was out of town for 2 days.

OH, btw.... how great was my trip??? need you ask? yes. it was fabulous. I went to the NBA game(which was a thrill--close game, right down to the wire). H missed out... that was his choice. then we went and caught some reggage music after wards and met up with my cousin's from the area... Haven't seen in a while and it was fun to catch up. Then the next day I spent the day shopping with my Fabulous Gay friend. He is so great to have around when shopping... always knows what to wear

Trip home last night was good. long but good. I am glad to be home. This morning was busy at work playing "catch up" and now trying to keep up with all of my friends here! I sure did miss you guys! I know it was only 2 days but sure felt a lot longer. just knowing you were here waiting for me makes things better!

[TabD]

Grace,
I know it is sure weird to think that yes things are working ok, still trying to detach a little bit each day, and then see that things are good... but then I always think? What if? Maybe I should just cut those words out of my vocabulary?

I have those nights too, grace, awake and nothing to do but sit and ponder things. I will try and turn the TV on to help alleviate that or jump on here and see what is going on. but most of the time I was just out here saying good night to everyone and so not much else would be new

Please read my post back to HS and it will tell you about my trip! I had a blast. Glad I am home , but know I should do that more often. Now I need to start planning for my trip this summer. I am going to the East coast. Maryland to be exact. H's family lives out there. I am taking my D's to see them... Not sure if H is going with us. I need to find out. b/c if he does we will drive out (24 hours). if he doesn't go I will fly with my girls. H is afraid of flying and I am willing to work around that... it might be cheaper to drive... who knows... not me at this point.

have a good day!