Cadet, I had tried several different Al-Anon meetings and hadn't found one that felt comfortable. I did go on Sunday evening and i felt good there. I will go there again this sunday!
I know that they work with Detachment and being happy yourself too. i think these two places can work hand and hand for me.
wife of an addict M 39 H 39 D18 D 16 Together 19 M17
Cadet, I had tried several different Al-Anon meetings and hadn't found one that felt comfortable. I did go on Sunday evening and i felt good there. I will go there again this sunday!
I know that they work with Detachment and being happy yourself too. i think these two places can work hand and hand for me.
Good - glad you are going to keep going and yes they are very similar
Hi TabD - I think you gain and keep PMA by building a life for yourself separate to the M. When your M remains very much the centre of your world (and the M is crumbling) it is hard to keep a good PMA. However, if you have built things that meet your needs - creative, social etc - outside of the M, these things help with PMA.
The other thing that has helped me to remain optimistic and happy within myself is practising gratitude.
Xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Grr. H was over to the house today. He cleaned our bathroom which was unexpected. I maybe shouldn't have but I text him. Thank you for cleaning the bathroom. I appreciate you! He responded right away. No problem I'll be over tomorrow to mow the yard and clean the other bathroom. What the heck. I do really appreciate it. So I'm just going with the flow and will see if he does do it.
wife of an addict M 39 H 39 D18 D 16 Together 19 M17
I'm not sure how to feel today. We have counseling together. I know or I'm about 95% sure H is going to try and talk about OW. Not sure how to handle this. How do I affirm what he is saying and staying detached?
wife of an addict M 39 H 39 D18 D 16 Together 19 M17
I think you did the proper thing by thanking him for cleaning. It shows him that you noticed and also that you appreciated him doing so.
If you are going to couples therapy and the topic of the ow comes up, you have two choices: 1) ask to be excused if he brings that topic up; or 2) remain there, sit quietly and just listen. You will have the opportunity to say "I'm sorry you feel that way" if he's being negative about things. She is going to come up in the sessions at some point because she is the elephant in the room and that elephant will need to be discussed and put back in her cage. I know it's going to be tough if she's brought up today, but try to remain calm and breathe!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
