Well, I woke up this morning and W was not here. I slept in the basement last night because I don't want to share a bed with the two timing bitch any longer. I thought I heard her come home at about 3:00am and I guess she must have picked up some stuff and headed down to OP's place for the night. F@ck her! I'm tired of screwing around and playing house together. I'm tired. ENOUGH. Oh and yes, I will end the cycle of one upmanship that appears to be going on here. It's childish. But, no more will I live with emotional abuse.
Oh and yes, I will end the cycle of one upmanship that appears to be going on here. It's childish. But, no more will I live with emotional abuse.
How will you accomplish this? What are your boundaries? I truly do understand your frustration but you must know by now that you need to plan when you are calm and not blowing a gasket. BTW, I blew a while ago, sometimes the radiator cap malfunctions and just comes off!
IMO, your kids are not living with any certainty in their lives. They need some form of security more than just words that everything will be alright. I remember crying all night when I would hear my folks fighting, I was terrified of what would happen if they split. I hope your kids don't have to feel that way.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Stubborn, are Saints still allowed to use swear words in their posts? If not, to Hell with Sainthood! From the bottom of my basement floor (my new sleeping quarters)I thank you for your support! (and you too WCW!) Actually the basement floor is warmer than the person I've been sleeping with for the past 17 years.
Thanks UA, but I can't MAKE her do anything. I can choose to sleep in the basement, that's my choice, but I can't tell her what her choice will be. I do not want to share a bed with her at this point. To me sharing a bed shows intimacy and we do not have that. For too long I have been working my butt off to create connection, we're talking years here!!! I think it's time to detach (as others have told me in the past) and accept this is history and carry on with that in mind. Leave it to her now. I'm done. I will do what is best for me and the kids in this sitch but I'm through trying to make this work. DONE! Oops, I'm getting all worked up again, can't detach when I'm all worked up. For now, my job is to level out, that's a big enough job for one day. Thanks for dropping by.
Whatisis, Wow you are dealing with a female form of my H. I did not realise who similar our sitch was. H does the same things to me, not there for me emotionally or for support, and does not want to talk to try and fix things. But understand one thing you are human, and you can not always hold things in, that is bad. Yes you have to blow your top sometimes, yes maybe it was not the best time in the world for it to happen but it happened can not change things now, what is done is done. Just keep working on yourself, like you have told me, give it your best and at the end of the day you can live with yourself. Yes some days you will give it your best without the best results, that's life. Just my quick two cents.
Thanks Kim, it has been an emotionally draining weekend indeed. Right now I'm remembering an experience with my Daughter some years ago (I'm known for D stories on the BB!). We were doing some arts and crafts and she was a few years old. She was very involved in her painting and was intent on finishing, despite having to go to the washroom. Suddenly she said quite forcefully "NO, pee pee, NOT NOW!" It was so funny. I think what I have to do is say "NO, anger, NOT NOW!" I acknowledge it is there right now and it is legitimate beyond belief but raw expression gets me nowhere. It happened and now I deal with it. It has indeed pushed me closer to thinking about the end for this R. Kim, I have been a trooper for at least three years and dealing with her A for the past year. It may be time to call retreat. Time will tell but I will not let blind emotion make my decisions for me. Thanks for your encouragement, I know you're going through alot right now too, so it means something when you drop in. Take care.
I just got back from aerobics class. Wow, what a difference exercise makes. I'm now actually looking forward to sleeping in the basement tonight! D just offered me some candy, apparently it came from OW! Yes, your lovers H just exploded so you choose to send home treats for his kids. What a f@cking lunatic! I feel like dropping her an email (yes, I know her email address) and saying "Just wanted to let you know that if you send home anymore treats for my children I will be dropping by personally to return them. I'd also be more than happy to meet your family, I'm sure they'd love to meet the H of the woman you are having an affair with. I'm sure as a good Catholic girl that would be no problem for you. Maybe I could come to church with you one Sunday, meet the Priest. So, as you may have already gathered, my cheese is not firmly planted on my cracker these days, so don't push me too far b!tch, you won't like the results! Hey, say hi to my W for me and, I almost forgot to add this, rot in Hell bitch " I mean wouldn't this be following the DB handbook, you know, if something isn't working try something different! All I have to do is hit that send button, what's W gonna do stop loving me! OK, I know, OP isn't the problem but it would feel damn good to rip a strip off her anyway. Maybe I'll just eat the candy and send her a thank you note.
OK, sleeping in the basement is killing me! I can't get to sleep (which may be due to things other than the basement) and my body feels like Hell (again, might just be tension). It's dark and I hate it down here! I feel like I'm on that emotional rollercoaster again, one minute I can't live like this another day and the next I'm OK. In my sleep last night I remember telling myself "You'll be OK, you can do this", even when I'm sleeping! I'm thinking strategy right now. What I am doing is pretty much a stupid military manoever, I am attacking the enemy at her strongest point! She grew up watching her parents carry on like this forever, this is like home to her. She knows how to play this game with her eyes closed, I do not. I'm gonna get wiped out and I've got no reinforcements to call up! I'm thinking my new strategy will be to confront her whenever she is rude by politely saying "could you change your tone,please" (she says this to the kids herself usually without the please). Last night we almost got into it again but I did walk away after making my point. She had left forms for me to sign on the kitchen table but never told me they were there for me to sign. In the course of our short discussion, which was her putting blunt questions to me "what is happening with this..." She then informed me that "I left those forms on the table for you to sign days ago" in a snarky manner and I replied "I would have to be told that those forms were there for me to sign before knowing I'm to do that, wouldn't I" and she replied "I'm telling you now" then I walked away. Bitch! So I kept telling myself to let it go, go to sleep but NO...3:00 am before I pass out. It's a sign of how worked up I am, normally these things pass over and don't cause me much grief but now...whew! Well, I know one thing, I am not continuing to live like this much longer. It is not healthy for anyone. I don't know where I'm going with this yet, just thinking out loud. Damn, I need a comfortable bed. BTW tonight is BR dance, youngest D is going with us to watch, hopefully that will keep the fireworks to a minimum. W has also planned a family outing for us all on Friday. Life just goes on, maybe she's just self actualized and can let go of all these petty worldly restraints like good relationships
How was your b-day?