1210, the big day is Friday. But actually the big day is everyday if we live it properly! I was reading an interesting tidbit on courtesy today. Courtesy is basically making a connection. Wow, that is simple but pretty deep. It explains to me why my W lacks it so often. She is avoiding making meaningful connections with me on any level. Sometimes, of course, we do connect but much of the time her energy seems to be directed to avoiding connection or making that connection negative e.g. dance class. It really must be exhausting to expend so much energy in trying not to let something happen! Oh well, to each his own. By understanding this as a possibility it may make her rejections a little easier to handle. It is not her wanting to be mean and hurtful, it is her attempting to avoid something. That makes a difference. I sometimes find it difficult not to personalize these kind of slights and not to allow them to salt the wound. I guess it's all in the way we choose to look at things. Gosh, we're bizarre creatures, aren't we! So, I thought I would just share that little flash of brilliance with others tonight.
WooooooooooooooooooHoooooooooooooooooooo Another Birthday!!!! Yeah!!!!. Well Happy Early Birthday Wish!!!! Any plans? What does your wife do to celebrate?
Very deep indeed. Just as I don't think that she is in an A, but actually an EA, I believe you, it's not done to hurt you. What do you think that she is avoiding?...besides you...why? Has she exhibited this type of behavior before the OP entered the whole picture? Or, only after OP came aboard? It sounds like a trust issue. She seems not to trust anyone other than herself.
Interesting point, 1210. She either pours all her trust into one person or no one. I used to be that person, now it's the OP. I think what she is doing by avoiding connection with me is keeping the fantasy of exclusivity with OP alive. If we connect and enjoy that connection, well, that can create doubt re the connection with OP. She might have to think about what she's doing. That is to be avoided at all costs. So therefore I am boring, monotonous, annoying, not able to change , AKA furniture etc. It keeps her world nicely compartmentalized, doesn't it. Whatis bad, OP good. Easy! Now, she just asked me whether I would like to go out Friday night (as a family, of course) to celebrate. She will miss her dance class and pick up D9 early from training. I said I would like that. I knew she'd do something cuz it's a family occassion. Hey, maybe she even likes me a bit? Who knows! Do you think I could score some sex out of this? Naw, a wet dream ,maybe! Happy birthday to me. Oh yes, and most definately it is an EA, if it's a PA the only place they could be doing it is in my car...OH MY GOD!
I've racked my brain tonight...not good, but...the only answer that keeps repeating back to me is the cultural issue. The closeness to OP just reeks of pure cultural ties, that's it. Her time is tied to a bond they share...unfortunately, you are a Canadian, unless you were able to change your ethnicity.
I don't mean that in a bad way, but you are in a different type of sociological background. Now - how do you break that bond between them? It seems like they are long-lost sisters...
1210, Certainly there is a cultural bond but there is also a commonality in their jobs, both are managers in the same field (different target populations, though). When W and I first married, we were both doing the same job but in different sections of the agency. She said I was her Husband, best friend and Supervisor! Now, OW is those things. W also came to this country to get away from the driving high expectations that were part of life in her country, but now she works for a cultural agency where she is surrounded by this mentality again. It's hard not to let it affect the way you work and live. So, OW (who also works for a cultural agency) and W have many commonalities. W went for the graduate degree that OW had just completed, so guess who could help her with that too! Somehow, I got left behind in it all.
Thanks UA, it really is good to know people are thinking of me! W just had D13 call me to say they were out shopping and would be home a little late. It is a raging snowstorm here and W decides it makes sense to take the kids out in it to buy me a birthday present! I told D to tell mom that I would prefer them to stay at home because the best present they could give me is to know they are all at home safe. W didn't buy it! You know, her determination was one of the things that made me love her, it's also one of the things that drives me nuts! I know she's a good driver but why take the risk? For a DVD holder or something? Oh well, I know they'll be fine.
That is really nice that your wife is out looking for a gift for you in that kind of weather. Heavens, there are a lot of people here that their spouses don't even recognize the birthdays. She even mentioned going to dinner Friday night - that is great!!!
DVD holder? Surely you jest? Lol...
Let me run this across for thought: What would be your wife's reaction if you became friends with OP? Seriously, in like having her over for dinner, one night - going somewhere as a threesome. Would allowing her (OP), to be a friend of the family, lessen the exclusitivity of the bond between her and your wife? That way you are included and she doesn't seem to be "all that". It would seem that you are standing by your wife, the same time the interaction of OP and wife are having their friendship. Could it be that because you won't recognize OP to be her friend, that this could be part of the problem? By allowing her into the family, so to speak, her power of the control factor lessens...just an idea to kick out to you.
1210, W has always kept OW away from the family, even when just friends. I used to ask why OW didn't come by and she would tell me that she was shy! In five years I've seen her maybe a handful of times. So your idea is interesting (I'm not going to do it, but it's still interesting)Oh, I think the fact that I once said (post A announcement) that "if I ever see that bitch again I'll rip her heart out and shove it down her f@cking throat" may have left some bad feeling, although I did mean it in only the nicest of ways! yes, it was nice of her to go out and take the girls to do this, I just would have preferred if she hadn't of endangered everyone to do it! Hell, it's only a birthday...it's not like it's a marriage vow or something
