I also wanted to say that I've been very good about not calling, contacting him. Now, I've had a few urges to reach for the phone and call. My thinking is, "Gee, it won't hurt anything to just say Hi." and "I'm his wife, don't I have the RIGHT to call?"
But, I've been keeping in mind my goal. Which is to have a relationship with someone who WANTS to be with me. And the only way we'll ever know if my husband wants to be with me, is if I allow him to make that decision on his own.
And each time he calls/contacts me, that will reaffirm for both of us that he's doing what he WANTS to do.
And that's a good thing.
Where as, if I continue to call/contact him, then I'll always wonder if he's with me, just because I kept getting in his face, and nothing else came along.
And if I were to do that, I KNOW I'd just end up here again.
So, while it's been tough to not call him when those urges arise...it IS getting easier.
Hey PNT, just read up on your sitch. I don't have a whole lot to add, but your efforts are admirable. I tried clicking on your link to your previous thread and it was a bad link. I was curious as to what led you guys to S. Any other revelations about 180s you could do to "engage" your H a bit more?
Quoting jethro: Any other revelations about 180s you could do to "engage" your H a bit more?
Ok...at this point, no, I don't really have any ideas.
You see, I see him so rarely and talk to him (lately) only when he calls. So, in that limited amount of time, I feel I should be as upbeat and positive and energetic as I can.
I've had my say as far as our relationship, and if I were to continue to talk about it, then I think it'd be perceived as more of the same and besides, talking isn't his favorite thing to do.
On the other hand, I've put in a request to my library for the 5 love languages book.
And I'm still reading here as much as I can.
Today, I went and found all of Lily's threads that I could and have them marked as favorites so that I can follow her journey.
I find it helpful to follow other's paths, rather than just bits and pieces.
Also, I'm trying to stick to being disciplined with my diet and my finances. I KNOW the better I look, the more attention he'll give me. And that will just boost my PMA. But mostly, I just want to FEEL good in my own body.
Quoting PhoenixNTraining: Also, I find that taking my Omega 3, 6, and 9 really helps my moods.
Been keeping kinda low profile latey, but was wondering if you would give more info on this. Are they a supplement? What is each number suppose to reference? Thanks.
I'm not sure what the difference is between 3 6 and 9. But I seem to feel better when I am taking all 3. But as far as I know, they are all found in fish oils and flax oils. They are essential fatty acids that our bodies can't reproduce which is why we need to take them as supplements. Or eat a lot of fish/flax!
I'll see if I can do some research when I get home, and I'll try to give you a better answer tommorow.
Not really. I think you gauging your telephone calls is good. You seem to have a better understanding of how many, or how few, calls to make to get his attention in the right way.
Clearly staying on a path of self-improvement has done wonders for you. I can imagine how difficult it is to try and DB when there's no "real" reason for your H to be around. For me, I have my W at home because we have kids. Even if she wasn't at home, I'd see her frequently because of the kids. Naturally, each visit is an opportunity to DB.
Have you considered going and seeing him? It seems like he comes to see you all of the time (or am I reading this incorrectly?). What if you made a visit out where he is because you have some "errands" to run or something? I know you don't want to pursue too hard, so I'm not sure you'd want to do this. Also, is there anything in particular he's said to you in the past that he likes that you could do when you see him? For example, a favorite outfit, a particular perfume, some home baked brownies, etc. I would think that without coming on too strong, the few times you do see him, you have to remind him of the positive things in your R in the past...those things he's always liked.
What are his hobbies? Does he have a particular interest in something you know little about? Maybe research it, so when you talk to him on the phone you have something in common to talk about...that will draw him closer.
I'm just throwing things out there, PNT, so take what I'm saying with a grain of salt.
Quoting jethro: Clearly staying on a path of self-improvement has done wonders for you. I can imagine how difficult it is to try and DB when there's no "real" reason for your H to be around.
Exactly! That's why I've been so impatient to get him to move to my town so that I can really begin DBing.
Quoting jethro: Have you considered going and seeing him? It seems like he comes to see you all of the time (or am I reading this incorrectly?). What if you made a visit out where he is because you have some "errands" to run or something? I know you don't want to pursue too hard, so I'm not sure you'd want to do this.
Actually, I have classes I take in his town on the weekends. So, when we've had a date, he meets me at my school, which is only 20-30 minutes from him. I've driven an hour to get from my house to the school.
Because I'm working full time and in school on the weekends, my time is limited. That's why I was so excited about our 3 hour date!
So, I'm trying really hard to not pop over and surprise him for a total of 10 minutes time visiting. He's worth it...but I'd like to get more time for that amount of effort.
Quoting jethro: Also, is there anything in particular he's said to you in the past that he likes that you could do when you see him? For example, a favorite outfit, a particular perfume, some home baked brownies, etc. I would think that without coming on too strong, the few times you do see him, you have to remind him of the positive things in your R in the past...those things he's always liked.
I have worn his favorite perfume on our dates. He's commented that I smell good. Giggle.
Quoting jethro: What are his hobbies? Does he have a particular interest in something you know little about? Maybe research it, so when you talk to him on the phone you have something in common to talk about...that will draw him closer.
Well, that's a great idea. He and I used to love to play EverQuest together. Unfortunately, I can't do that, but, I could take golf or tennis lessons, when it starts getting warmer.
Quoting jethro: I'm just throwing things out there, PNT, so take what I'm saying with a grain of salt.
Jethro, these are all great suggestions. Thank you. I'll start researching and saving up for tennis and golf lessons. In the meantime, I can practice playing pool...that is something that he loved doing. And I have a pool table right at home to practice on! It'd be so great to kick his butt in a game of pool!
According to my copy of "Prescription for Nutritional Healing" Omega 3 has "alpha-linoleic and eicosapentaenoic acid" and "are found in fresh deepwater fish" etc.
Omega 6 has linolenic and gamma-linolenic acids and found primarily in nuts etc.
The book didn't say anything about Omega 9, but I'm sure it's important.
I'm taking Flaxseed Oil and it's apparently a good source for B vitamins, proteins, zinc, magnesium, potassium and fiber.
Any herb shop will probably have fish oil or flaxseed oil supplements and can tell you more about them.
Giggle.